In the Blink of an Eye
by missmerrymak
Summary: Jenny Shepard comes to a startling revelation after receiving some important news. How will this change the Directors life and the life of those she loves? Will it lead her to her inevitable demise? Takes place before Jenny got obsessed with La Grenouille. Rating M just to be safe but it might be T I don't know I'm new to this so help me out. Constructive criticism is welcome.
1. Chapter 1

Jenny sat unmoving in her office not thinking about anything in particular. Not working on case files or meeting with powerful people on the hill. No, all she was focused on was pushing through the waves of pain that attacked every part of her body. It was the first time in her life she couldn't wait to see the doctor. The pain had been going on for weeks, along with the dizziness, weakness, confusion and weight loss she had just started to notice. Just the other day she had missed a meeting with the SecNav claiming she couldn't remember the appointment. That was the final straw for him who had noticed her condition in the past week and urged or more like demanded her to see the doctor. Her appointment was in two hours.

Weakly she walked to the desk in the hospital and gave them her name. The nurse directed her to a standard hospital room and told her to wait. Immediately she felt anxious. Hospitals held too many bad memories for her. Finally the doctor walked in with a clip board under his arm. He looked like the type of person that had to have his food separated into sections on his dinner plate. A white lab coat hung unflatteringly on his average form and his brown hair was swept to the side in a manner that reminded her of a prim and proper English professor. He was definitely not the type to just come out and say it; which she despised. Jenny was a very blunt person and anyone who knew her was not surprised when she said whatever she was thinking, whether it be good or bad. The doctor held out his hand and she took it politely. "Doctor Albert Beech." His hand shake was weak and flimsy, she didn't like it.

"Jenny Shepard." She responded out of a force of habit. She cursed herself. Of course he knew who she was. He chuckled dryly.

"I know. And I see you've been having some problems lately. Care to share?" He asked pulling a pen and a sheet of paper off his clipboard. She shifted uncomfortably on the slippery plastic chair that reeked of disinfectant. Jenny never has, and never will, like talking about her "problems" and she hated that he called them that. _It's probably just the flu, or something stupid._ She reassured herself as she began listing her symptoms. The doctor nodded as he wrote down everything she said. She didn't like the fact that doctors knew more about herself than she did so she instinctively sat up straighter in her seat trying to make herself seem in control and informed but in reality she wasn't. Another reason she hated the doctor. At work she knew everything that went on and controlled her agency with a firm hand. Out of her control wasn't a phrase in Jenny's vocabulary. Once she had finished he asked her an assortment of standard questions.

"Do you or your family have any history of illnesses?" He asked not looking up at her from his clipboard. She thought for a moment unsure what exactly that question entailed so she rattled everything off. She personally had never had any issues and neither had her family that she knows of. It wasn't a very exciting list and nothing with her symptoms.

"How long has this been going on? Do you have any allergies? Have you been out of the country lately? Are you eating properly?" Doctor Beech asked all of these unending questions which Jenny had begun to answer like a robot not seeing the relevance in all of this. Finally he stopped asking annoying questions and excused himself from the room. She sighed and leaned back running a hand through her long red hair. She didn't remember the doctor being this strenuous. Then again she hadn't actually been to a doctor for herself in a decade. She couldn't even remember the last time she went for a checkup. After ten long minutes the doctor came back. "Okay we are going to do some blood tests and a bone marrow biopsy. If that's okay with you we can get started on those right now." He said smiling. Jenny was suspicious like she always was and asked questions.

"What do you think is wrong with me?" She stood up nervously.

"Well we don't know yet until we do those tests but we did look into your family's medical history. We would like to test for one thing in particular. It's just a theory and I don't want you to get alarmed so relax. It might just be something we can treat with antibiotics." He said with a friendly smile on his face as he ushered a slightly confused and worried Jenny into another room. She sat down and within five minutes nurses were poking and prodding her with needles. They drew three vials of blood which made Jenny dizzy as she stood up to go into yet another room. This room was white, sterile and looked like somewhere you'd have an operation except for the uncomfortable hospital bed in the middle. They told her to sit down while they retrieved something from the other room. She did as she was told setting her purse down next to her and stared mindlessly at her hands wondering what in the world a bone marrow biopsy is. It sounded painful. Jenny absolutely despised needles; they scared her half to death. So when the doctor and nurse came back in the room with a needle the length of her hand she freaked out to say the least. Jenny's eyes widened and the color drained from her face. She laughed nervously as she sat petrified on the bed.

"Um no thanks I think I'll pass on the bone marrow biopsy." She said her voice shaky. The doctor smiled.

"There's nothing to be afraid of! We'll give you a pain killer so you won't feel anything and then insert the needle into the top part of your pelvic bone. You'll lay on your stomach and all you'll feel is some pressure." He said cheerily. Jenny had trouble swallowing and could feel the bile rising in her throat but quickly swallowed it.

"I don't do well with needles." She responded hoarsely but that didn't stop them from continuing the procedure.

Jenny sat numb in her office. Her back was aching dully from the hole the doctors had pierced through her skin and into her bone. They had given her painkillers for it but they were starting to wear off. She also had a small square of gauze on the inside of her elbow from the amount of blood they drew. On her back was also gauze that was uncomfortable but they insisted she keep it on and rub some stupid cream on it until it healed. She hated doctors. Just as she was about to rub the painful spot on her lower back Gibbs came bursting through her door making her jump and quickly pull her hand away. "Agent Gibbs we have doors for a reason!" She exclaimed as she settled uncomfortably in her chair. He looked her over curiously. _Something is bothering her. _He thought but didn't say anything about it.

"When were you going to tell me?" He asked her with an expressionless stare he did so well. She was confused. The doctor's appointment had strayed her thoughts elsewhere.

"What are we talking about?" She asked cautiously.

"The case Jen what else would we be talking about?" He asked curiously.

"I don't know. And what am I not telling you?" She asked seriously not knowing what was happening. He cocked an eyebrow at her but she just stared coldly back at him.

"That Diane would be the lawyer on the case!" He exclaimed, anger replacing the concern in his eyes. She broke out into a grin.

"Diane's the lawyer on the case?!" She questioned excitedly. Jenny liked to see Jethro squirm; this was going to be fun. She saw the confusion on his face and sighed answering his unspoken question. "Jethro I don't know these things! They send over whoever they want to send over and they don't run it by me!" She exclaimed still smiling. He looked uncomfortable as he grumbled something under his breath before storming out of her office. She giggled and followed him across the catwalk and down the stairs to the bull pen. There sitting in Gibbs's desk was Diane. The infamous Diane nobody liked to talk about was staring at the two as they walked towards her. Diane had dark red almost black hair, freckles and dull blue eyes. She smiled looking very relaxed as she eyed the rest of Gibbs's team. Ziva was trying to stay out of the fight that was sure to come, Tony was gawking, he had never met one of Gibbs's ex-wives and Tim had his head in his computer informing Abby of the current situation.

"Jethro it's good to see you again." She said smiling as she stood up to greet him. He just grunted in response. Jenny suppressed a laugh as she held out her hand to the other woman. "Nice to see you again too Jennifer." Jenny just nodded in response and inwardly cringed, she hated being called Jennifer and Diane knew that. They had met once; just before Jenny and Gibbs went on their mission to Paris their divorce was being finalized. Diane wanted to see who Gibbs's "Paris fuck buddy" would be as she put it. Jenny didn't mind, actually she laughed it off mumbling something far worse under her breath as Diane left.

"What are you doing here?" Gibbs asked coldly but he already knew the answer.

"I'm the lawyer Jethro. I'm always here." She said lightly as she picked up her briefcase off of his desk. He didn't say anything and neither did Jenny; she wanted to see how this would unfold. "I want to see my client." She said looking directly at Gibbs. He didn't trust himself to say anything so Jenny stepped in.

"Ziva why don't you take her." Ziva nodded and Jenny eyed her secretly telling her old friend to watch them. The Mossad ninja, as Tony liked to call her, directed Diane to interrogation. Once she had gone Gibbs gave the rest of his team and icy stare and they went back to whatever they were working on. Gibbs mumbled something about coffee and started walking to the elevator, Jenny followed.

"Well that was fun." She chuckled as the doors closed encasing them in the silver metal box. As they stood waiting for their floor Gibbs noticed the arm she was holding at her side. It had gauze on it. Worriedly he flicked the emergency stop on the elevator and turned to Jenny who looked at him.

"What's up with your arm?" He asked pointing to the inside of her right elbow. She gripped it protectively.

"Nothing Jethro I just had a doctor's appointment." Jenny said looking from her elbow then up to him. He raised an eyebrow skeptically.

"Since when do you go to the doctor? You didn't even go to the doctor when you took a round to the thigh!" He exclaimed referring to Paris. Memories flew to her mind when he mentioned that day.

"Jethro I thought we had passed the constant references to Paris." She said not looking at him and ignoring the question. Jenny didn't talk about Paris not because she hated Jethro. No far from it. She didn't talk about Paris because of the regrets that sprang freshly in her mind. She didn't talk about Paris because she would remember them as a couple and didn't want to upset herself further knowing it would never happen again. She didn't talk about Paris because if she did, every time she looked at him she would throw herself wildly at him, and it didn't help that they were in a small elevator alone. She quickly flipped the switch and swallowed trying the get the passionate memories out of her head.

Gibbs sighed quietly, he was trying to make her laugh not make her more upset! And now she wouldn't even look at him. He was trying to remind her of the good times they had together, why did she have to ruin every attempt he had at making her smile? He thought and suddenly became angry with her.

Jenny picked up on his distance from her as they walked into their favorite coffee shop. _He's mad at me!_ She realized and wondered what she did this time to make him mad. It upset her that she didn't know what she did wrong and got up the courage to confront him about it as they left the café. "Why are you mad at me?" She asked bluntly. He stopped and turned to look at her.

"Who said I'm mad at you?" He asked innocently but there was ice in his eyes. She gave him an expression that said, _Jethro stop lying to me I know your mad. _He just walked away and she hurried in her high heels to catch up with him. In a huff she smugly walked faster than him in her stiletto's making him fume in anger. _How dare she stick her nose up at me after making me feel like an ass in the elevator! _He thought and like a childish fight they saw who could walk faster to NCIS. When they got back Jenny felt like crying. She wondered why he suddenly got mad at her but tried to ignore the question knowing it would never be answered. _He does this a lot it doesn't matter._ She thought and with a shrug she walked up to her office with her head held high. Little did she know he was thinking the same thing. _She does this a lot it doesn't matter._


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey thanks for the reviews I'll try to post every day but it'll probably be more like four or five times a week! I like to keep stories moving I don't want you to get bored. I'm also trying to keep the suspense up. What's wrong with Jenny?! **** Hope you like it!**

Over the next few days Jenny had only two things on her mind: Gibbs and those damn test results. She was starting to get anxious waiting and waiting for them. At NCIS she got answers quickly, now all she could do was wait helplessly on the sidelines. As for Gibbs, Jenny wasn't talking to him. It's okay because Gibbs wasn't talking to her either. Neither knew why the other hated each other so much even though in reality neither hated the other. So instead of dwelling on unanswered questions between her and Jethro she dwelled on the test results that she couldn't understand why they weren't back yet. Finally she got fed up and called the hospital. A peppy secretary answered in a voice that made Jenny want the choke the young intern. But she answered as politely as possible at the moment. "Hello my name is Jenny Shepard and I was wondering when my test results would be back?" She asked slowly.

"_One moment please_." The high pitched girl replied putting her on hold. She pushed a button and set the phone down in the receiver angrily. _Thank God there's no music. _She thought after putting the phone on speaker while she got up to get her cup of coffee she had left on the conference table earlier. She heard a knock on her door just as she grabbed her coffee.

"Come in!" She announced and an old friend of hers walked in. Jenny smiled as she set her coffee back down without taking a sip. He wore a blue button down shirt with suspenders and a red bow tie, all topped off with a white lab coat. He smiled right back as he walked up to her. "Ducky what can I do for you?" She asked the medical examiner politely.

"Jennifer my dear I wanted to talk to you about my preliminary findings since I won't have a chance to get my report in to you until tomorrow." He said in his Scottish accent. Even though she despised people calling her Jennifer when he did it, it sounded more like a loving grandfather and she liked it.

"Okay that's fine." She said and motioned for him to take a seat. He did and she followed suit but just as she was pulling her chair in the annoying receptionist came back on the line.

"_Hello Miss Shepard_?" She asked and Jenny sighed as she quickly got up to get the phone. Ducky watched her exasperated expression.

"Yes?" She asked once the phone was off speaker.

"_Um we don't have any record of a Jenny Shepard in our log." _She said frightened by the Directors tone. Jenny sighed.

"Is there a Jennifer Shepard in your log?" She asked slowly, implying that the young woman was not very intelligent which was one hundred percent true. She heard flipping of papers and held her hand to the mouth piece. "I'm sorry Ducky." She said but he just waved her off.

"Don't worry about it." He said as the woman came back on with her cheeks no doubt flushing a deep red.

"_Um yes I found a Jennifer Shepard." _

"And that's me. So are they in yet?" She asked impatiently. She heard flipping of papers once more and sighed.

"_No ma'am I'm sorry they're not in yet but I could put it in as a rush job if you would like?" _She asked curiously but Jenny didn't want that. I mean it's not like she was desperate right?

"No thank you that won't be necessary. They will call me when it is ready though?" She questioned avoiding using the word Doctor or Hospital fearing she would upset Ducky. And it's not something to worry about anyway.

"_Yes of course Director." _

"Thank you." She said in a monotone and hung up. She looked up at Ducky who had walked over to her desk.

"Is everything okay Jennifer?" He asked seeing something unfamiliar in her eyes.

"Yes Ducky I'm fine, don't worry about me." She said smiling. He nodded and dropped the subject knowing Jenny wouldn't elaborate and started talking about the current case.

The next day Jenny came into the office early that morning at five thirty. She hadn't gotten much sleep as she was rather restless from thinking about her tests so much. Now she was antsy, so she got out of her desk and stood on the catwalk watching the empty squad room. She heard the elevator ding and watched Gibbs get out with a cup of steaming coffee. _What time is it?_ She wondered checking her watch. It was 0700. She realized how fast the time had flown from 0530. Gibbs being the marine sniper he was noticed Jenny standing on the catwalk but didn't look up. He was still mad at her for making him feel like an ass then had the guts to rub it in his face. Jenny was just mad at him because he was mad at her. It was a vicious cycle that has taken place since Jenny first took office. All Gibbs was doing was trying to find reasons to hate Jenny for what she did to him in Paris. Most of the time it seemed not to work and just blew back in his face. Jenny was doing the same. She needed reasons to hate him if she were to stand to be near him without making some kind of pass at him. She had made the mistake of doing that once before when they were on a case with a little boy.

_She had come to the door wondering who in the world would be here at this late hour. When she opened it her brow was furrowed but quickly relaxed and smiled when she saw it was Jethro standing in a sweatshirt and jeans. Jenny invited him in smiling. "I was wondering when you were going to check up on me." She stated jokingly. _

"_I got a call." He said holding up his cell phone. She felt in her robe pocket for her phone but it was missing and she sighed. _

"_Well that explains where my phone went." She said rather embarrassed. She had made a fool of herself yet again in front of him but was determined to make it up. Jethro sat talking to the young boy who she swore was related to DiNozzo. She watched, leaning on the doorway really admiring him for the first time since Paris. Then he walked over to her. "I forgot how good you are with kids." She said steadily as she leaned against the door frame. He was only inches away from her and she could hear his heavy breathing. He just smiled at her. "You think he's holding something back?" She asked._

"_I think he's worried about his dad. That's why he can't sleep." He said looking into her eyes. She looked past him and saw the boy asleep on her couch. _

"_I guess he's not worried anymore." She whispered smiling. Gibbs carried him up to Jenny's spare room and when they walked back down she stopped him at the door. "You know a few years ago I would have asked you to stay. And I wouldn't have taken no for an answer." She whispered looking into his eyes. He stared at her for a moment as he shifted his weight from one foot to the other._

"_No." Jenny cursed her ignorance. She knew Gibbs would say no. _

"_What happened, Jethro?" She had asked as he was about to open the door to leave. He looked at her solemnly._

"_You made a choice Jen." _

She had relieved that memory so many times she had almost stopped beating herself up for it… almost. How had she been so stupid? Of course he would say no after what she did to him in Paris. She just wished he could forgive her someday. She just wished she could have one more chance. Just one more chance to set things right. But he wouldn't even let her have that. Her lip curled in disgust as she was reminded why she left him in the first place. Something she rarely thought about and didn't care to think about. She couldn't bear to look at him anymore so she turned away and stalked back into her office.

In the middle of a mission she was overseeing in MTAC her phone rang. It was a tense mission with seven of her men and women's lives at stake. Angrily she shut her phone off to silence the distracting ring and watched as the final stages of the daunting task her agents were assigned… succeeded. But at a cost. She had lost an agent in the final explosion. The mission was finished and they had been victorious but there was nothing to celebrate. A daunting silence filled the room, Jenny got up solemnly, her mouth in a tight line, and left. She drowned her sorrows in paperwork. It was always tough to lose an agent no matter the importance or relationship with him or her. And as a result she was sad and troubled all day totally forgetting the call she received that morning.

At the end of the day she was tired and upset. She tried not to think about the day as she went past the her assistants desk who she had sent home long ago and walked down to the bull pen where she saw Jethro still sitting there. His light was the only one on and he was wearing his reading glasses that she had forced him to get once he couldn't read for the life of him without looking like a trombone player. She glanced at him quickly before walking to the elevator. He watched her as she left for work that night, admiring the way she walked in heels, of all things he could be thinking about her. Now that he thought about it, the woman was a miracle worker. She ran in stiletto's, saved his ass multiple times, not that he cared about what the press thought, saved the agency's ass multiple times, and never once had she second guessed herself. She was a confident woman who didn't need him; in fact she didn't need anybody and wouldn't tolerate anybody for that matter, telling her what to do. He admired that about her. But he had to remind himself that he was mad at her. That he didn't and couldn't talk to her. He was embarrassed and hurt by her, again. His thoughts had always been conflicting with her since their fiasco in Paris. He was constantly mad at her yet he still had feelings for her. Feelings he never bothered to look into. There was no point; she had made her choice long ago. And like a gentleman he respected her choice and at the same time hated her for it.

The next morning Jenny checked her phone as she walked into work and realized that the call she dropped yesterday morning was the hospital. She sighed and called them back as she entered her office for the day. A new receptionist answered this time and she thanked God for the different work shifts. _"Hello this is Bethesda Hospital how may I help you?"_ The older lady asked politely.

"Yes hello I'm Jennifer Shepard and the Hospital called me yesterday." She inquired and heard the ruffling of papers.

"_Ah yes I see Doctor Beech wanted to talk to you. Unfortunately he's in surgery right now so he can't speak with you. But I'll tell him you called. He'll get back to you as soon as possible."_ The lady said cheerily.

"Okay thank you." Jenny said and hung up. She knew her missions came before her stupid doctor so she tried not to think about what she should have done that morning with her cell. _I mean all their going to say is I have an infection or something. _She thought as Cynthia walked in.

"Director, sorry to interrupt but it's urgent." The curly haired African American apologized.

"Don't apologize Cynthia you weren't interrupting." Jenny said smiling as she set her jacket and purse down. Unlike Jethro, Jenny thought rule six was complete and utter bullshit. But there was some truth to it because Jenny had manipulated rule six in her own terms: Never apologize to someone who doesn't deserve it. And right now for something as trivial as this, Jenny did not deserve it.

"Okay, well there's a situation down in the bull pen." She said and Jenny was confused. What could possibly be going on down there? Then she remembered: Diane was still here. Smirking, she thanked Cynthia and walked out of her office and down the steps to the bull pen. It was early, thankfully Diane and Jethro were the only ones in Gibbs's bull pen and they seemed to be in a heated debate about the suspect. She walked up to them but they barely noticed her.

"Hey you two knock it off." She said angrily. Failing to get their attention she turned to Gibbs and did something she had only dared to do a few times: she slapped the back of his head. He flinched and turned slowly to her but she held her ground. Diane looked dumbfounded as she now had a new found respect for the Director of NCIS. _At least somebody can keep him in line. _She thought as she covered her mouth in shock. Gibbs was absolutely fuming and he actually started to get red in the face. Jenny turned from Gibbs's heated stare to look at Diane coolly. "What's happening?" Diane found her words again and answered refusing to look at Gibbs. He wasn't looking at her either though. He was too angry at Jenny to even think about Diane.

"He wants my client here at NCIS in lockdown until he can interrogate him. I want to speak with my client without us being watched." Diane said regaining her professional demeanor. Jenny glanced at Gibbs.

"I take it Gibbs does not agree. Well we do need to keep your client here until Agent Gibbs and I can clear him but as for you talking to your client…" She turned to face Gibbs. "There are certain rights people get Jethro and the right to an attorney is one of them." She turned back to Diane. "I'll arrange a private meeting place you can talk." Jenny assured the lawyer just before Gibbs gruffly ordered her to follow him into the elevator. Reluctantly she followed, bracing herself for the storm sure to come. He immediately flipped the emergency switch and stared intently at Jenny. "What do you want Jethro?" She asked dully.

"You head slapped me!" He exclaimed in disbelief.

"Congratulations Jethro you recognize it!" Jenny said sarcastically.

"That was out of line!" He said not yet raising his voice but extremely mad.

"No Jethro, what was out of line is you making a scene in the middle of work!" She exclaimed loudly.

"You didn't have to hit me!"

"You should have seen yourself agent Gibbs! You weren't getting out of that unscathed!" He balled his fists but stayed silent the two of them having an old fashioned stare down. Knowing this was going nowhere Jenny pushed the emergency stop button again and broke the stare waiting for the doors to open.

Now the two were purposefully ignoring each other as much as possible. So when Jenny decided to observe the team, Gibbs was not a happy camper. Every few minutes he would glare at her as Tony, Ziva and Tim gave him an update. Finally they had to go to Abby's lab. In the elevator was silence and a tension you could cut with a knife. To both their relief the elevator ride was uneventful. In Abby's lab music was blaring as usual and Jenny and Gibbs both yelled for her to shut it off at the same time. They glanced at each other coldly as they walked over to Abby. Of course the scientist noticed the tension between the two and became increasingly uncomfortable as she babbled on about DNA and blood spatter. Just as Abby was finishing up her speech Jenny's phone rang. Quickly the red head pulled her phone out of her pocket and checked the number: it was the hospital. She excused herself and stood by the elevator as she answered "Shepard." On the phone was the Doctor she had wanted to speak with.

"_Ah Director I was hoping to get a hold of you."_ He said and she could tell he was smiling.

"So what's the verdict?" She asked hesitantly.

"_I'll just get right to the point seeing as I know you would like answers_." He said and Jenny sighed softly as she grew ever so impatient. Gibbs watched with interest. _"One of the samples of blood we took got contaminated somehow we are so sorry. I need you to come back in and we'll draw another small amount of blood." _He finished and Jenny was angry. What kind of Doctor contaminated his samples? She was furious.

"Um excuse me? You contaminated my sample?" She asked in disbelief.

Meanwhile Abby and Gibbs stood careful watch by the door as they listened in on her conversation like school children. "Ooohhh, if someone contaminated my evidence Gibbs I would smack them into next Wednesday!" Abby whispered to Gibbs as she swung her clenched fist around. Gibbs chuckled.

"I think that's what she's going to do Abs." He whispered back as he watched a fuming Jenny storm into the elevator.


	3. Chapter 3

**I tried to find a good "illness" for Jenny and researched it rather vigorously. I'm sorry if I got any of the information wrong, help me out if I do and I'll fix it in the next chapter. My heart goes out to anybody with this and I hope I captured the feelings of it correctly.**

Jenny was completely and utterly furious. How had her doctor, HER doctor, contaminated HER blood? These things don't happen to normal people. These things only happen to make movies more dramatic. This is ridiculous, irresponsible, and unprofessional. _I need a new Doctor._ She thought as she walked into the hospital that afternoon after telling her secretary to manage while she was gone. _I mean how long could this take? _She signed herself in and a nurse brought her Doctor into the waiting room where he called her back into his office. She sighed and sat down across from him. "I can tell you're upset." He said calmly as he organized a folder on his desk.

"Upset? Upset! I am beyond upset! What kind of irresponsible doctor…. DOCTOR…. Contaminates blood? My forensic scientist can run seven different tests on something without altering the evidence and you contaminate a simple blood sample!" She said angrily, her nails digging into the course fabric of the chair.

"I'm sorry I am not your forensic scientist but these things do happen. We'll need to take more blood and I promise you it will be the last." He said calmly. Jenny controlled her emotions putting up her well worked director's mask once more and took a deep breath.

"Sorry Doctor Beech. It's been a rough week. I'm just a little overworked." She lied shaking her head. Jenny was just worked up because of all the emotional tolls Gibbs has been taking on her lately. Suddenly she was very tired and out of breath. She needed coffee.

"It's okay. Now let's get on that blood sample!" He exclaimed, his cheery demeanor back.

Now back at her office Jenny was exhausted. Her arm hurt where they poked her, she had a massive headache, and her vision had started to periodically become blurry. So she had given up on trying to read the growing stack of case reports on her desk and rested her head on her desk trying to make the headache subside. Jenny was also trying to ignore the fact that this was extremely unusual for her. Since when did she get sick? Let alone the flu, or whatever this was. But before she could get lost in her thoughts Jenny's door opened and without looking up she could tell it was Gibbs. She lifted her head but it felt too heavy and she swayed ever so slightly in her chair. Gibbs noticed and decided her welfare was more important than the question he came in to ask. "You okay?" Gibbs said trying to find her gaze. Jenny was too busy trying to find her glasses to look at him. Her vision was blurry again.

"Fine Agent Gibbs." She said in a monotone, trying to hide the nausea that came with the dizziness of a swaying vision. Gibbs didn't buy it. Finally Jenny found her glasses and put them on as she looked at him. But it made no difference. She furrowed her brow and took off the glasses, confused. _What is wrong with me?_ She asked herself hesitantly.

"No you're not." He said finally finding her gaze. She sighed and looked at his blurry outline and as she focused on him her vision returned.

"Actually Gibbs I am fine." She said smugly to hide her relief that her vision had returned. He grunted and turned to leave but she stopped him. "What did you come here for Jethro?" He turned around.

"I was wondering if you signed our case report yet. There's another case we need to start working on. But I don't think you have seeing as its right there." He said pointing to the pile of reports on her desk. Her face flushed and she grabbed it off the stack.

"I was just getting to it." She said as he walked out the door.

Over the course of the day Jenny and Gibbs had gotten into a few fights about the case and whose jurisdiction it was. But that was normal for them. This time though it seemed to be taking a greater toll on her. Physically she was exhausted, though she hadn't done much. It scared her and now those test results seemed more urgent than before.

The next day Jenny was feeling better. She read through the case reports she had slacked on yesterday and drank two cups of coffee. It was only ten am. She finally signed off on her last case report and looked down at her empty desk smiling. Then she heard the soft patter of liquid falling onto her desk. Had she spilled her coffee? She looked down but what she saw was not brown, it was red. Her hand quickly moved to her nose and when she took her hand away it was soaked with blood. She cursed under her breath and tried desperately to find a tissue as she held her nose. After what seemed like ages she found her tissues and plastered them to her face. Angrily she punched the intercom to her secretary in the other room. "Cynthia, could you do me a favor and get me a tissue box from storage?" She said and waited for her secretary to replay.

"Sure thing Director." Jenny smiled.

"Thank you Cynthia." Jenny said through a tissue and noticed how thick her blood was. Something she didn't think twice about. As the bleeding subsided Cynthia came into the room with a fresh box of tissues and saw a bloody one being held up to the Director's nose.

"Are you alright Director?" She asked worriedly.

"Yeah don't worry about it, just a bloody nose." She assured which seemed to calm her secretary down as she set the tissue box on Jenny's desk and walked out, shutting the door behind her. Jenny also didn't take the time to think about how she rarely got bloody noses because she was too busy throwing the used tissues away and cleaning her desk of the droplet of blood. Her phone rang. "Shepard." She answered fumbling with the tissue box and phone. It was her doctor.

"Ms. Shepard I'm glad I could reach you. We got your test results back and have a conclusive diagnosis." He said in a monotone.

"Finally, that's great! So what do I have?"

"I think you should come into the hospital before I tell you. I have some things I want to talk to you about and some things I want to hand out to you." He said and Jenny stood up.

"Okay, I'll be there in fifteen minutes." She said and hung up.

When she got to the hospital for the third time that week, her Doctor directed her to his office. He sat her down gingerly and quietly sat down himself.

"I'm glad you could make it. Before I tell you I wanted to find out your symptoms again to see if I missed anything." He said and she nodded.

"Okay well I have had some pain in my stomach. Headaches, weakness, I couldn't remember my meeting the other day. I've been losing some weight. Yesterday my vision started blurring, and today I got a bloody nose. That's all." She said rattling off all her symptoms. Dr. Beech nodded as he looked at his omnipresent clip board. He seemed to be checking her symptoms off. He looked up at her slowly. Now she was officially scared.

"All the tests are conclusive and I have ruled out some other issues you might have had to come to my definite conclusion." He said sighing as he straightened the papers on his desk. She listened with interest. "This is a very rare condition that we don't see in a lot of patients. I myself have only worked with two other patients with this condition." She was starting to get angry now.

"Doctor with all due respect would you stop beating around the bush and tell me." Jenny exclaimed and he took a deep breath before pulling an array of papers from a drawer in his desk. She braced herself for whatever was getting her doctor so upset.

"You have a lymphoma called Waldenstrom's Macroglobulinemia." He started to continue but she cut him off, terrified. What in hell is that?!

"Um excuse me?" She said and for a second she thought he just mumbled the name but he repeated it slower this time and she froze.

"Waldenstrom's Macroglobulinemia." He repeated but Jenny was in a daze, her mind seemed frozen and she couldn't produce a simple sentence.

"What…?" She said barely audible. He started to go into a detailed explanation she couldn't even fathom. Sick to her stomach, Jenny cut him off once more. "What is a lymphoma?" He took a deep breath.

"It's a type of cancer that resides in the lymph nodes or inside your bones." At that sentence Jenny's whole world stopped and she couldn't breathe.

"C…Cancer?" She stuttered as she swore she felt some kind of heart palpitation.

"Yes. I'm very sorry to have to tell you this. Now you are probably wondering what in the world in Waldenstrom's Macroglobulinemia." She nodded slowly barely able to comprehend what he was saying. She was in shock to say the least. Seeing she was in a daze he slowed down and explained everything so she could understand. "Waldenstrom's is a cancer affecting B cells, a type of white blood cell. As you probably already know, cancer is an uncontrolled increase in the amount of cells in an area, well with Waldenstrom's it's a certain cell in the blood, the B cell. The unique thing about WM is that the B cells produce excess amounts of the immunoglobulin protein or IgM which thickens the blood. Also the production of B cells interferes with the production of red blood cells, resulting in anemia. There are other problems associated with cancer in the B cells but that is the basic explanation of it." He finished and she sat speechless. She had cancer?

"Is it… curable?" She whispered hoarsely. He took a deep breath.

"No it's not. But there are treatments that can keep the cancer in remission for years. It's just about finding the right treatment. But with all your symptoms time is of the essence. We need to get you on a treatment soon. Since it is such a rare condition there isn't much research on it which means it's really trial and error. We can look at statistics and your condition personally but there is no right and wrong. It's all grey from here on out." He said and she felt a growing lump in her throat. She got up the courage to ask a question she didn't know if she wanted the answer to.

"Will I survive?"

"It all depends on what stage of the cancer you're in. Like I said it's all grey now. Though most patients live an average of ten years those were studies from ten, twenty years ago. Now the statistics might be different but we won't know until they die. That's a bad way of putting it but you know what I mean." He said kind of stumbling on his words. Obviously he hadn't dealt with people like her. With her… cancer. The word tasted bitter in her mouth and she couldn't get over it. The rest of the meeting consisted of him telling her all the technical details about her 'ailment' as he put it. He gave her pamphlet after pamphlet. And folders, magazines, websites and treatment options, but she wasn't listening. The folder of all her information had grown from a small pile to a huge stack and she tried to process all of it. She really did but her mind was sluggish and her eyes weren't focused. She promised herself she would look at it later. Right now she had some more questions.

"So what now?"

"Now we have to schedule some more tests to find out the exact numbers of your B cell count and such. Then we can look into treatment options and get you on some, see if they work." Jenny tried her hardest to fight back her overflowing emotions and tears welled in her eyes. She fought them back bitterly.

"How long is this going to take?"

"It should take about two to three weeks if we do all of this right. And then we wait and see what works. For your immediate symptoms I'll prescribe some things you can just get over the counter. We'll also give you blood thinners for your increased IgM count. So be careful and try not to cut yourself. You'll take those medications until we can get you on one specifically for Waldenstrom's." He finished and gave her all her lab reports and test results and diagnosis papers along with the mountain of papers she had about information on the cancer itself.

An hour, brief case full of paper and pharmacy trip later she was back in her office. It was only 1430. Overwhelmed and mentally and physically exhausted she plopped down in her desk. Still in shock she stared at the wall for a moment before breaking down in tears. Unable to control the sob that escaped her she threw her head down on her desk covering her face with her arms. She sat at her desk as sobs wracked her body for a long period of time. So long in fact that Cynthia came in to check on her but she just waved her away angrily as she grabbed a tissue. There was no pretending anymore that she just had the flu. It was official, and it had a name she couldn't pronounce. She kept crying but after God knows how long it was reduced to a heart wrenching cry unlike the full blown sobs that had emanated from her office earlier. With tears still streaming down her red and blotchy face she took a pocket mirror and wiped the running make up off her face. At least she wouldn't look like a deranged football player if someone saw her. And with that thought she broke out into a half crazed, panic induced laughter. She was absolutely hysterical and as she kept crying her nose started to run. Jenny Shepard was a hot mess and she knew it. But she justified her unprofessional and un-Jenny like actions. It wasn't every day that you get told you have an incurable cancer.


	4. Chapter 4

Jenny had an annoying habit of clicking her pen when she was thinking hard about something. She read and reread through all of the papers her doctor gave her trying to make sense of it all and the whole time, clicking her pen. The same pen that she had owned for years, it was stupid but clutching the familiar grooves and notches relaxed her. This time however, it wasn't helping. Between her busy schedule and dealing with a certain team in the bull pen, she had finally made sense of all the information by the middle of the week. But that didn't mean some part of her stopped hoping it was all a bad dream. Every day she would wake up and find that it was not only real, but urgent. Another thing she hadn't bothered to get to. It would make it all too real. She knew she needed to get more tests done but couldn't bring herself to do it.

That afternoon she thought over the news she had received just last Friday. It was Wednesday. Knowing that this nightmarish reality wasn't a dream she had finally come to terms with it. She didn't think she ever would but surprisingly it came easily. She didn't know why and didn't care to know why. All she was focused on now was treatment options which she vigorously looked into.

But treatment wasn't the only thing she was thinking about.

It had been a long week, too long. Jenny's head was a mix between so many different things she couldn't even keep track of them all. So, when after a frustrating case, Ziva asked the Director out for drinks… how could she refuse? They sat in a relatively good bar having a nice conversation, at least for a while. The former Mossad agent and longtime friend of Jenny, that was trained for anything, was surprised when Jenny decided to get absolutely drunk out of her mind. Jenny, the Director of an armed federal agency. Ziva had only seen her like this once before. Back when the two were working anti-terrorist ops they lost a group of young children trapped in an elementary school. That was also the first and last time Ziva saw her friend's parental side come out. Though, if it was even possible, now seemed to be just as bad or even worse if she dare say. Jenny had made some kind of concoction with vodka and scotch and was continually drinking it as she slurred her words and talked nonsense to Ziva but she listened patiently as Jenny continued her drunken rant. But what Jenny started rambling about caught Ziva's ear. "Do you remember in Cairo when that school exploded? Well I do, and I just wanted to die… in a hole. I really did. I lost the man I loved in Paris and I couldn't save those kids. Everything was going wrong for me… and it still is I guess." She slurred but with that poorly executed sentence Jenny seemed to sober up a bit. Ziva watched curiously wondering what could be bothering her friend. Jenny sighed and took another long drink of her concoction and winced. "I really shouldn't be drinking; doc told me I need to lay off the alcohol. But I mean this is only my third right?" She asked Ziva as she spilled her drink on the counter top.

"Eight Jenny, you've had eight." Ziva corrected but Jenny just shrugged as she downed what was left of her beverage.

"You should have s'more to drink." Jenny said to Ziva and flagged the bartender over but Ziva stopped her.

"I have to go to work tomorrow and so do you. So I would do what the doctor asked and stop with the alcohol." Ziva said back softly but Jenny jerked away and slammed her glass down on the table asking for another.

"Geez Ziva you gotta live a little. Never know what moment'll be your last." Jenny slurred hesitantly not realizing that she has never ever lived by that statement before until now. Until she knew her life was on the line for real this time. "It hurts when I drink Ziva… right here." She said pointing to her chest, ruffling her shirt in the process. Ziva thought she meant her heart but Jenny meant it physically hurt her which was a symptom with Waldenstrom's. "It burns like a hot poker." She hissed and Ziva realized the pain she was feeling was physical.

"Maybe you should get that checked out Jenny?" Ziva asked worried about her friend. Jenny scoffed and let out a low laugh before looking Ziva in the eyes.

"I did get it checked out." She spit back angrily her body tensing but it quickly relaxed after she took a sip of her recently refilled glass. Ziva looked at her quizzically but Jenny ignored the stare as she looked around the bar for any good looking man to drown her sorrows in. Actually with Jenny being as drunk as she was, good looking wasn't a factor. Any conscious man would work. To her dismay she didn't spot any and with sadness in her eyes she turned back to Ziva.

"And are you okay?" The Israeli asked. Jenny grimaced and took a long drink from her glass.

"I'm not drunk enough to talk about it." Is all she said before downing her practically full glass of an extremely alcoholic beverage. After many failed attempts to stop Jenny from drinking more, which just resulted in more vodka and scotch spilled on Jenny's jeans and t-shirt, she finally was deemed too drunk to be in the bar. She had caused quite a commotion when she came onto the toughest looking guy in the bar and the bartender. They had kicked Jenny and Ziva out. Jenny barely able to walk stumbled around and straightened out her shirt before falling against Ziva. Jenny groaned clutching her stomach and tore away from Ziva violently before getting sick in the bushes. Ziva sighed and gently rubbed circles in Jenny's back. After she was finished she grimaced and wiped her mouth off before continuing to lean on Ziva for support as they walked to Ziva's car. "You know, I found that no matter how drunk you get, it doesn't make you forget." Jenny slurred quietly as Ziva drove Jenny back to her place.

"What are you trying to forget? Maybe I could help you?" Ziva asked trying to be funny. Jenny smiled slightly and turned her head to Ziva as if it weighed a hundred pounds.

"It won't work but the offer was nice. Can't escape. Just have to see the doc in a few days." Jenny rambled slurring her words together so badly Ziva could barely make out what she said. And Ziva spoke five languages.

"Why what's wrong?" Jenny sighed heavily and quite loudly before responding rather impressively for being wasted.

"Do you know what a lymphoma is Zee-vahhh?" she asked and Ziva shook her head. She had never been good with those things unlike Ducky and Abby. Jenny chuckled. "Well that's what I've got. And I can't even pronounce its name for God's sake!" She exclaimed getting rather upset. Tears sprang painfully to Jenny's eyes and Ziva noticed.

"Hey hold up. It will be fine! Everything will be fine!" Ziva said rubbing Jenny's shoulder as she cried silently in the window. Ziva had no idea what a lymphoma was but was going to find out.

The next morning Jenny sat in her office with the mother of all headaches. She felt like there was a metal concert going on in her head while a steamroller was being driven over her, now multiply that by twenty. She sat with her head in her hands trying to recall the later part of last night. The last thing Jenny remembers is her fourth (?) glass of her wild concoction. She sighed and buzzed her assistant. "Cynthia would you mind grabbing me a bottle of water?"

"Sure Director. I know you're not feeling well." She said and Jenny chuckled painfully before responding.

"Thank you."

Ziva had just gotten into work. The only person at his desk was Gibbs. They exchanged hellos and how are you's before Ziva quickly retreated down to autopsy. The elevator dinged and she walked through the sliding doors purposefully. "Mr. Palmer you're early! I didn't expect you until later." Ducky said turning but realized it wasn't Palmer and smiled. "Ziva, how nice to see you! Now what brings you down to autopsy this fine morning?" Ducky asked cheerily as he put on his usual white lab coat and set his jacket on the coat rack. Ziva sighed and walked over to Ducky slowly, almost nervously. Did she want to hear this?

"Ducky what is a lymphoma?" She asked bluntly. Ducky's brow furrowed momentarily.

"I take it you want the short version?" He chuckled.

"Yes please Ducky." Ziva responded slightly amused.

"It's a type of cancer that resides in the blood." He said and tried to go on but Ziva stopped him abruptly. Cancer? Jenny has… cancer? That can't be right?

"Are you sure?" Ziva asked childishly.

"Yes Ziva of course I'm sure. Why are you asking this? What's the problem?" Ducky asked now worried himself. Ziva shook her head knowing if Jenny kept it a secret she wouldn't want the lion out of the bag because of her drunken words last night.

"Nothing Ducky I was just wondering. Thank you." She said before walking out of autopsy and heading straight to the Director's office. With a deadly mix of anger, worry and sadness in her eyes she stormed past the bull pen where Gibbs sat rather confused as he watched her walk up the stairs and burst into the Director's office. _Wonder what that could be? _He asked himself but decided to let it go for now. Meanwhile Ziva paid no mind to Cynthia who was protesting saying the Director doesn't want to be disturbed. She opened the door and shut it quietly knowing Jenny probably had a massive headache. Jenny looked up at Ziva. She looked horrible. Her eyes were blood shot, she looked like she had gotten no sleep and her hair wasn't perfect; there were a few stray hairs and her ponytail was just slightly off center. "Ziva what can I do for you?" She asked in the most normal voice she could manage.

"When were you going to tell me?"

"Tell you what?" She asked worried she had said something while she was drunk last night.

"Don't play dumb Jenny! You remember what you told me last night?" Ziva asked walking purposefully up to Jenny's desk.

"Ziva, I can't remember most of last night!" She exclaimed and her head pounded angrily.

"You told me that you had a lymphoma." Jenny sat up straighter in her seat. Had she really done that? Well I guess the cat would have to come out of the bag eventually. She sighed and pushed the stray hairs out of her face.

"Right, about that." Jenny said quietly but Ziva interrupted her.

"No. When were you going to tell me?" She exclaimed loudly and Jenny winced, her headache flaring up again. So many emotions were running through Ziva's head: confusion, anger, concern and most of all fear.

"I was going to tell you once I had some treatments set up and working! You know I don't like it when people worry about me! I'm fine!"

"But the thing is Jenny you are not fine! And you have family for a reason! So we can support you and help you through things like this!" Ziva shot back and Jenny sighed leaning back in her chair. Running a hand down her face she pulled a piece of paper out of a drawer in her desk and handed it to Ziva. "What is this?"

"It's what I have specifically. But you have to promise not to tell anybody else. I want to be the one to tell them." She pleaded. Ziva looked up at Jenny after glancing at the paper.

"As long as you do tell them."

"I will I promise. And don't worry about me Ziva, I'll get through this." Jenny forced a smile but knew she wasn't convincing anybody. Ziva started to read the paper and Jenny talked. "It's called Waldenstrom's Macro-something. I can't pronounce it but maybe you can. It's incurable but there are good treatments that can keep the cancer in remission for years." She finished and Ziva stared at Jenny but she wasn't able to read the Israeli's expression.

"Incurable." She stated in disbelief. Both of them knew what that entailed but neither said anything about it.

After Ziva left Jenny's office in a sort of daze with the paper in her hand Jenny sat at her desk with tears in her eyes. Every confrontation about it just made it more and more real. But realizing this she knew she would need to go to the doctor this week. So with a newfound determination she called her doctor and set up an appointment.

Later that night she sat in her father's old study with her cell in her hand. Her mother's number was just a click away but she couldn't bring herself to do it. _Hey mom I haven't talked to you since dad died but I wanted to let you know that I have a terminal cancer. _She thought sarcastically and cursed herself for it. Letting out a small laugh she closed her phone and put her head in her hands. _We'll start slow Jenny; let's not rush into things here. _So with that thought imprinted in her mind she walked up to her room and sat down, immediately getting lost in the other world of a good book.

Meanwhile Gibbs was sitting in his basement sanding his boat with a glass of bourbon that previously held nuts and bolts. He was thinking about Jenny. Though their relationship has been strained lately he was worried about her. Ever since that first doctor's appointment a week and a half ago Jenny had been distant and distracted. Something he had never seen in Jenny before. And it wasn't something he liked. She was giving up on fights easier and it seemed as though she was trying to distance herself from him, why he didn't know. But one thing he did know is that his gut was churning.


	5. Chapter 5

**Sorry I haven't posted a chapter in a while and I just wanted to remind you that I don't own any of the characters or show or anything it all belongs to the producers. **

The next morning Jenny had just come into work when Gibbs appeared out of nowhere and handed her a coffee. She smiled. "Thank you Jethro." He just nodded in return and followed her up to her office. Jenny knew something was up when he walked into her office behind her and shut the door. Turning around slowly she stared at him unmoving at the door. "Spit it out before it chokes you." But he didn't say anything. She was starting to get annoyed and she took a sip of her coffee so she wouldn't yell at him. Suddenly a dull wave of pain overtook her and she choked on her coffee in surprise. Gibbs flinched to help her but that would be stupid, he thought so he just watched as she coughed then steadied her breathing.

"You're acting different." Gibbs stated and Jenny rolled her eyes. The pain was ever so slowly increasing and she realized she had forgotten to take her medication this morning.

"No I'm not." She said nonchalantly but she knew her right eye had twitched and she cursed that damn eye in her head.

"It wasn't a question." He said giving a little turn of his head.

"Well it's nothing you need to worry about Agent Gibbs." Jenny stated setting her coffee down on her desk. He saw her wince slightly and took a deep breath.

"You're in pain." He stated and she shot a look up at him but doesn't answer knowing every route she took would end up in him knowing the truth. "And you're avoiding me." He added and Jenny scoffed.

"Maybe Jethro, I don't want to be around you? Have you ever thought that you might just be the most irritating man alive?" Jenny said slowly as if talking to a little kid. Gibbs cracked a small smile and tried to stop himself from laughing. But if she didn't want to talk about it he wouldn't push it, for now. Right now he could let it go but it didn't stop his gut from churning painfully. So he left her office without another word. She sighed when the door closed behind him and got out the over the counter meds the doctor recommended and downing them with her coffee.

Gibbs couldn't get Jenny out of his head. Ever since last night when he realized something was seriously wrong with her his focus wasn't on his work but on the Director and her wellbeing. Something he hadn't really done in a while. All he had been focused on lately was arguing with Jenny and getting back at her but not now. And it made him think about their past and all the mistakes they've made, both of them. How he could no longer trust her because she stood by and watched when he got arrested in Paris and because she left him without a word when she promised that she would always be by his side. He knew it sounded stupid now but he still took it to heart. She was scared and couldn't get the job done then and wasn't brave enough to save him though she would never admit it. But now Jenny was Director and she was another person, a colder, harder person than the one she was in Paris. But that didn't stop old ghosts from coming back to haunt them. Their trust to each other had been broken long ago as well as their hearts. There are just some things that can't be fixed. But Gibbs was determined to fix whatever sort of working relationship they had now. He wasn't going to lose her completely. But what he didn't know is that he might not just lose her emotionally but also physically. Unless she found a treatment that worked for her, there wouldn't be a Jenny Shepard to call his own.

Later that week Jenny went back to the doctor to talk about her condition. She entered the offices and found his. She knocked lightly and he motioned for her to come in. Jenny sat down in a low chair across from him. He started the conversation. "As much as I would like to treat you I just don't have that much experience with Waldenstrom's patients so I and going to refer a few very highly recommended doctors to you who regularly treat your condition." He said handing her a folder.

"Thank you. Now I have some questions if you don't mind." She stated keeping her voice level, fearing that if she didn't she would be swallowed by the situation.

"Not a problem. Go right ahead." He said encouraging her.

"I know you said it's incurable but does that mean I will die from it?" She asked hesitantly knowing she needed to know the answer to guide her future life decisions.

"No it does not mean you will die from it but it can be fatal if not treated properly and kept under control." She breathed out a sigh of relief until he continued talking. "But that is just on paper. In reality survival usually does not exceed ten years. But that was data from medicines in the 90's and 2000's." And her heart sank yet again expelling all the hope she had along with it.

"Okay so the only thing that matters is the right treatment?"

"Yes pretty much." So there was a light at the end of her dark and dreary tunnel but it was fading fast. Time was of the essence.

**One year later (takes place during season 5) **

Jenny was tired, that was for sure. She was tired of lying to everybody about why she had to go away all the time. She was tired of Ziva asking her if she was alright and when she was going to tell the team about her illness. She was tired of the doctors she travelled halfway around the world for sometimes. She was tired of the treatments that she had undergone. One after the other with annoying and sometimes hospital worthy side effects. They didn't know if treatments started working until two months into it. Already she had been through six different treatments and she was fed up. Right now they were trying a new and improved treatment that was supposed to put her cancer into remission for years. But then again that's what they told her for every one of the treatments. Constantly she was checking the Waldenstrom's website to see if they made any breakthroughs on curing it. They never did. Waldenstrom's was so rare that there weren't a lot of scientists and doctors working on curing it.

Jenny had lost her spark. The same routine she underwent every day and everyday seemed less and less appealing to her. Get up, get dressed, take pills (if her treatment required it), go to work, coffee, work, coffee, meetings, work, work, work, coffee, check the time, 2300, groan, finish paperwork, check website, sigh, realize you haven't eaten anything today, dinner, sleep, repeat. It was a cycle that wore her down to the point of being unrecognizable to herself. Not physically but mentally, she couldn't recognize herself. She wasn't happy, she wasn't yelling at the silver haired fox anymore, she didn't have the same determination in her step, it was more of reluctance and depression than anything. Still she hadn't told anybody besides Ziva about her condition, not even her family. She just couldn't bring herself to put that kind of weight on their shoulders. They deserved to be happy even if she wasn't.

But then she realized that with her amount of time left, whatever that may be, will be put to good use. She wasn't going to sit around anymore and wait to die. Now was the time to right her past wrongs, put things to rest and avenge things that needed to be avenged.

They were worried about her, everybody was. In the past year Jenny had grown increasingly distant and practically nonexistent in the office. When they did see her she looked tired and sad. Jenny didn't talk to them anymore. At least she tried her hardest, and when all of her agents eventually came to her about it she pushed them away with the best intentions but it ended up back firing in her face. They had grown to dislike the woman the used to call their friend.

Gibbs had given up on trying to get through to her. He tried though, he really did. He tried things that if in any other situation would have made her blush deeply but now she just pushed him away. She was pushing everyone away. As much as he hated to admit, he had given up on Jenny. A year ago if he was being brutally honest would have said that he still had feelings for her, but not now. At least he thought he didn't. Not after what she had been doing. Yet some nights sitting in his basement he still had the urge to call her and make sure she was alright. He knew she wasn't. But no matter what he did to find out what was ailing her, she was unbreakable.

Jenny was going to avenger her father's death if it meant going from hell to heaven and back. Now was the time and now she had the resources. So she started her hunt and even sent Tony undercover with the man's daughter Jeanne Benoit. His name was La Grenouille, the frog. He was an international arms dealer unknowingly involved with the CIA. And when the CIA found out Jenny was after him they tried to stop her. She got to him first though. After a bumpy road with lies, deception, love, and hate she had killed him. It took breaking Tony's heart, almost getting him killed, going behind the CIA's back, lying to Gibbs and the team, losing what little trust and relationship they had left, and thinking her father might have been alive for a time (shattering her belief system completely) but she had done it. And was it worth it? A question she didn't want to answer.

After that she tried to pick up the pieces of her broken "working relationship" with the team by getting closer to them but it was their turn to push her away and she knew she deserved it.

Then came the fiasco with Decker. _That_ she was not ready for. But through battling long buried secrets she had figured out what was happening. They were coming for her and Gibbs. All because she had failed to shoot her target in Paris: Svetlana. Just another thing she regretted in her life. Jenny had abandoned her security detail of Ziva and Tony who came by her request. At least her friends had some shred of loyalty, or maybe they were just following orders. Mike Franks and Jenny followed Decker's insurance policy to a diner in the Mojave Desert. As her and Mike stood there that day they talked about the past. They talked about her mistakes and they talked about Jenny's feelings towards Gibbs. Feelings that she still had. With tears in her eyes she told him about leaving him in Paris. She told him how he didn't fit into her five point plan, that she in the early 2000's, realized was the stupidest thing she had ever done or close to it. Then he surprised her by telling her he knew she was sick. She didn't say anything against his assumption. He saw her pills. He asked her what she was waiting for. Why wasn't she telling Gibbs about her feelings? _Good question. _She had responded. The one question she had tried the least to think about. But now it was out in the open and she was conflicted. She wanted to make the rest of her life the best. But she didn't want to get close to him or anybody in fact, just to have her be taken away from them. She didn't want to put that kind of grief on anybody. But would she have the chance to even consider those options? Would they make it out alive?

Things in general were not looking good for one Jenny Shepard.


	6. Chapter 6

**I know that Waldenstrom's is Jenny's illness but I'm kind of altering it to make it my own so don't get mad when the symptoms she has aren't exactly consistent with the actual illness. And sorry for the late update I couldn't get onto the website for a few days don't ask me why, I don't know. Hope you like it! Feedback is greatly appreciated. **

Jenny and Mike sat in the diner waiting for Svetlana and her men to come bursting through the door.

Ziva and Tony were in a heated debate. Were they going to find the Director? Ziva wanted to. She was worried, they were supposed to be protecting her and they had just left her. Now a woman was dead and things weren't looking good. No matter how mad Ziva had been at Jenny this past year they were all still family and family helps each other. Tony on the other hand wanted a day off. He thought the Director was with a man since they had heard a rather deep voice over the phone when they had called her the first time. He wanted to avoid work because he knew the Director was fine and frankly he was mad at her. How could she just push everyone away like that? And for what they didn't even know!

Gibbs was in his basement examining the photos of the slugs and casings from the murder of La Grenouille. He knew Jenny had done it. The two indentations on the photos of the slugs matched the one to her gun. There was no denying that she was the killer. He was mad at her but he was in no position to judge seeing as he shot Pedro Hernandez. He downed a mason jar full of bourbon and sighed.

Meanwhile Jenny was rummaging through the back and found some tea. "Found some tea!" She yelled to him and slowly Franks turned from staring out of the yellowing windows.

"What kind?"

"Does it matter?"

"Only drink lemon grass."

"You just don't strike me as the tea drinking kind of guy." She said smugly as she walked over to him.

"And people say I don't open up." He muttered rhetorically.

"Well, no water so, so much for the tea." Jenny said setting the box down on a booth.

"I spotted a water tank out back."

"I'll go." She volunteered.

"Okay."

"You're up." She said walking out of the door. As she walked to the tank her phone started to ring. _I swear if this is DiNozzo again. _She said to herself but pulled out her phone anyway. It was Gibbs. Surprised she answered it. "Jethro I'm surprised you called."

"The Frog." Were the only two words he had to say for her mouth to go dry and her head to spin. What had he been doing with those police reports?

"What about him?" She asked nonchalantly.

"Don't give me that bull Jen I know you did it." Gibbs said confronting her. She sucked in a frightened and weary breath. Was he going to do what she thought he was? She didn't respond right away as she opened the nozzle to the water tank and let the water flow quite loudly into the pitcher. "Where are you?" He asked hearing the rushing water. "I thought you were at a funeral."

"Funeral ended yesterday Jethro. I'm at the pool." She lied smoothly and he didn't ask since when had she taken an interest in sitting poolside. Jenny turned her head to the road as she heard gravel being crunched and saw a large black car stop in front of the diner. Four men got out with guns. Terrified she knew it was time to tell Gibbs. "Oshimita Jethro." She whispered before hanging up the phone violently.

It took all of two seconds for Gibbs to process what she had said. It was the word they used in Paris all those years ago if one of their covers was blown. But it didn't make sense, they left Paris clean. Never the less he knew it meant she was in trouble and quickly jumped from his work bench in the basement. Despite being a bitch this past year he couldn't deny that he still had the sense to protect her. Opening his phone once again he dialed Tony's number. Tony answered on the third ring. To long for him. "Hey boss what's up?" He asked happily.

"Get to Jenny, now DiNozzo!" Gibbs practically yelled.

"I know boss we're at the gas station right now filling up then we'll go to her." He said calmly.

"No Tony she's in trouble right now she just called me! Get to her as fast as you can!" He exclaimed frantically. Tony quickly understood.

"I'll call you when I get her!" He said before hanging up. Gibbs paced the room once before running up the stairs and driving to NCIS.

Meanwhile Jenny got her gun out and stalked to the diner where shots were being fired. After quickly counting to three in her head she burst in the back door. Two gunmen were still standing one by the front door and one close enough to her to grab her. He did and she fought back violently until she saw his gun raised just above her head and the world went black.

Ziva and Tony pulled up at the small diner in the Mojave Desert and saw a black SUV. "Look, I have seen that SUV before." Ziva blurted out.

"Gas station." Tony replied and quickly they got out of the car and started walking towards the door.

"You still believe the Director is on one of your 'booty calls'?" Ziva asked coldly as she held her hand to her gun in the holster on her hip. He glanced at her.

"Well if there's a sock on the door knob you're knocking." He said smugly just before they caught sight of the bullet holes in the door and shattered windows. Pulling out their guns silently they burst into the diner to find blood everywhere. Slowly they walk around then Ziva spots a familiar face lying in a pool of blood.

"Tony." She calls him over weakly and he walks over slowly, fearing the worst for their fearless Director. What he sees on the floor shocks him and gets his mind reeling. On the floor covered in his own blood is Mike Franks. Questions swim in both of their heads as Tony bends down and checks the man's pulse.

Gibbs's phone rang. He answered it quickly seeing as it was DiNozzo. "Boss…" He trailed off sadly and immediately he feared the worst.

"Is she…" He couldn't finish. Jenny couldn't be dead. He wasn't done yet. He had things to tell her, he had things to do with her.

"Missing? Yes. Boss Franks is dead." He said sadly. Gibbs's blood ran cold and he couldn't seem to form a coherent sentence. What was Mike doing with Jenny? But more importantly, where is Jenny?

The black SUV drove through the desert at a speed that would get them a ticket for an amazing amount of money. The badly injured driver dialed a number on his cell and waited for his boss to answer.

"_Yes_?" The woman said in Russian.

"_We don't have the insurance policy but we do have someone more valuable." _The man said both speaking in their native tongue of Russian. She tried to calm her anger at the idiots who couldn't even get a stupid insurance policy from an abandoned diner in the middle of nowhere.

"_And what might that be?"_ She asked in a sickly sweet tone.

"_Jennifer Shepard."_ Svetlana's mouth curved into an unnerving smile.

"_Good job. Bring her to me." _She said gleefully. If Jennifer was at the diner she had the insurance policy. She could kill two birds with one stone.

"_First I think we should discuss a pricing increase since I have what you want and two of my men are dead." _

"_Of course!"_ She exclaimed happily as she twisted a knife in her hand. She had Jennifer, the insurance policy, and wouldn't be paying any of her goons.

Gibbs drove through the desert early that morning. "Wait there. I'll come to you." He told DiNozzo before hanging up the phone. When he got there though his two agents were removing stacks of boxes from the crime scene and looking solemnly at him. "I told you to wait!" He exclaimed slamming the car door behind him.

"And I told them not to. This is my crime scene." A voice said from inside the building. He came out pulling bloody gloves off his hands and Gibbs couldn't help but imagine it was Mike's blood. Leon Vance stood staring at him.

"Leon." Gibbs said quietly. Personally he had never gotten along with the toothpick eating bastard and wondered what in the hell he was doing here. But then realized with Jenny missing he must be stepping is as acting Director and mentally headslapped himself for his stupidity. His mind had been clouded with all the questions going through it. Like why was Mike here? Where is Jenny? Why were they here? Why was somebody after them? And _why _did Jenny say Oshimita?


	7. Chapter 7

Jenny woke up to the sound of dripping water. Slowly, slowly it dripped but she couldn't open her eyes to see what it was. She was blindfolded and her hands and feet were tied. She was on a cold concrete floor and her head was pounding. If she could sit up straight she would but she seemed to be shackled to the floor and Jenny groaned softly. She had been kidnapped.

After all the evidence had been processed the unusually quiet team drove to the airport and went back to DC. Tony was beating himself up. He kept telling himself that he should have listened to Ziva. Should have tailed the Director and maybe she wouldn't have been kidnapped. But there was no changing the past now. Still he couldn't get out of his head how different things would be now if he had just listened to Ziva and trusted his instinct. Back in the bull pen they got to work trying to dig up any enemies the Director might have. The motive was obvious as well as the opportunity, or so they thought. She was the Director. Ransom was the reason for the kidnapping. And as for opportunity it was fairly obvious her kidnappers had found out about her being there away from civilization, it was the perfect time. That was the team's suspicions but Gibbs had his own opinion. So far the team had nothing but Gibbs was getting suspicious. It was time to call Morrow about a growing feeling in his gut he was getting. Why did she say Oshimita? And who knew the op better than the man who assigned it? So that's what he did and they decided to meet in their usual place in the park. It was where they met when Morrow was still Director and something they continued to do. Gibbs sat on a park bench when Tom came up and sat down next to the field agent. "So what is this all about Jethro?" He asked as he sat down with two cups of coffee one of which he handed to Gibbs. He sighed and fidgeted with the cup before answering.

"It's Jenny." Morrow furrowed his brow.

"What about her?"

"Someone kidnapped her. We're trying to keep this on the down low." Gibbs added and Morrow nodded but had a look of concern plastered on his face.

"So why do you need me? You do remember I work for homeland security now, right?" Morrow asked sarcastically and Gibbs let out a low chuckle.

"Yeah. Before she was kidnapped she called me though. She mentioned Oshimita. And I know you know what that means." He said softly. Gibbs saw Morrow stiffen.

"Jenny came to me after the op and she said she thought you two might not have gotten out of Paris clean. She didn't mention anything specific but she was definitely hinting. I checked the targets later that year but they were both gone. Never to be seen again." Morrow said and it was Gibbs's turn for his blood to run cold.

"Svetlana." He whispered. It must be her. She was Jenny's target and Gibbs knew he had killed his. Morrow sighed and nodded.

"That's all I've got." Tom said taking a drink from his coffee. Gibbs sighed running a hand down his face. He should have realized the second she said Oshimita but he didn't and it cost them five hours. Five hours that could have been used to track down Jenny and Svetlana.

"Thanks Tom." Gibbs said quietly before he got up and walked away. It took all of his self-control not to hit something. Back at NCIS with coffee in hand he addressed his team. "Svetlana Chernitskaya." He said loudly and the team jumped.

"What?" Tony asked speaking for the whole confused team.

"Where is she?" He bellowed and the team went into action immediately.

Not being able to move let along try to escape she had time to think. Think about her life and what she's doing with it. Why had she gone to that diner? Why had she stayed? Franks gave her the opportunity to leave and abandon this. They had gotten what they came for: the insurance policy. But it needed to be ended here and now. Why had she been so god damn stubborn? One day her stubbornness was going to get her killed. All she needed was the insurance policy then she could have left! She could have called in back up to help her and not have gotten Mike killed but no she had to be the lone ranger and get Franks involved. That was stupid. If she hadn't been so pig headed then maybe Franks would be alive right now. Jenny regretted ever bringing Mike along because now he was dead. But maybe she regretted it because she was there for a different reason. Maybe she was there to give up and to let them get her. What had she to live for anyway? She was slowly dying, the man she loved didn't love her back and the NCIS agents she considered family despised her. Maybe that's why she had acted the way she did this last year. Memories started to fill her mind of her attitude over the course of the year.

_Gibbs walked into her office. It was 2330 and the case they were working on wasn't going anywhere. Jenny was working on her omnipresent paperwork and Gibbs stood there looking at her. As of late the Director had been acting strange, distant and snappy. It would be a lie to say Gibbs wasn't concerned. "Hi." He said and her head snapped up. _

"_Yes?" She asked, her voice dripping with venom. She was annoyed and was keeping up the act of pushing everyone she cared about away. _

"_What are you still doing here?" Gibbs asked softly as he leaned up against the door frame not wanting to step in the threshold and piss her off more. He had learned to stay away from her lately. _

"_What does it look like I'm doing?" She asked like it was the most obvious question in the world. _

"_Shouldn't you be getting some sleep?" _

"_I can sleep when I'm dead." She growled and he raised an eyebrow at her. She had been saying things like that more and more often. "If you don't need help on your case agent Gibbs I suggest you leave my office." She said shooing him with her hand. _

_ The team was down in the bull pen and Jenny had decided to observe a case seeing as she had nothing better to do. "Hey Director what are you doing down here?" Tony asked smiling. _

"_Can I not be here DiNozzo?" She asked blatantly. Ziva stifled a laugh at Tony's expression. He stumbled on his words knowing she had been pissed lately. "That's what I thought." She said half smiling, half serious. Jenny could be nice but she couldn't get too close and that meant declining their invitations to dinner and drinks. As planned the team was starting to grow distant from their director. _

She had been a complete bitch but with good intentions. Getting close to the team would mean it would be that much harder to let go when she died. Then again that's what happens in life. You die eventually. She felt horrible distancing herself from the team so much and it cut a hole down deep in her heart. She hated that they hated her. She hated herself for coming up with such a stupid plan. She was more miserable right now than she had ever been in her entire life. That and the fact that now she knew she could die any moment made something snap inside of her. Jenny wanted to love and be loved, but without the weight of her illness on other people's shoulders. Jenny wished she could just damn Waldenstrom's Macro-whatever to hell. But it's impossible no matter how much she cries about it. Not that she would ever admit it, Jenny had cried. She had sobbed, gotten angry and threw things at the wall over her illness.

_It was a lazy Saturday afternoon. She sat at her window watching the kids playing in the freshly made puddles with their little rain boots and screaming in pure delight. It made her smile. Lately the vicious combination of work, the MCRT team and battling those treatments the doctors kept throwing at her had taken their toll. She was mentally and physically exhausted. Yet all she could think of was how she was never going to be able to have kids; to start the family she's always dreamed about. She started to cry, the silent tears streaming down her cheeks. She made no move to wipe them away. The sadness was quickly replaced with anger though. No matter where she was or who she was with Jenny Shepard never wanted to look weak. So anger was used to cover up the hurt. Wiping away the tears guiltily she started pacing the room. Nausea welled up in her stomach as the weight of her situation finally took hold. She clutched her stomach. It came from her whole life crashing down on top of her. She wouldn't be able to do any of the things she dreamt of. Clenching her fists she cried out in anger, desperation and sadness. In a rash wave of overwhelming anger she grabbed what was closest to her and threw it. It was a picture frame. The adrenaline rush subsiding she slowly walked over to the picture. Squatting down and examining it she bit back tears when she saw what the picture was. It was the NCIS team and her at Ducky's Christmas party last year. _

The only way she could accomplish what she wanted was risky. But if she got her family back then it was worth it. Jenny decided after carefully considering her choices lately that she would mend the cracks in her relationship with her family at NCIS. But she wouldn't tell them about her illness. It would only be for the best. They wouldn't have to worry about her and she could enjoy spending time with all her favorite people. A door creaked open and the clomping of boots on a concrete floor echoed through the room. A woman let out a low and menacing cackle before ripping the blindfold off of Jenny's eyes.

Gibbs was pacing the bull pen. Was his team always this slow? Maybe he was just anxious and nobody was blaming him for it. No matter how much they had come to dislike Jenny she was the Director and they had an obligation to her. Finally McGee spoke up. "Boss!"

"Yeah?" He asked eagerly.

"Svetlana disappeared in '99 and there's been no trace of her since. She just vanished." Gibbs sighed and rubbed his hand down his face.

"What about the shooters?" He asked hoping they had _something. _

"We got Viggo, one of the shooters, walking in the airport but then he shares a cab with…" Gibbs cuts in.

"Svetlana." He finishes and McGee just sighs.

"Maybe. I can run facial recognition to be sure." The younger agent says.

"Do it."

"The two are also in the photos Abby got from the Director at the funeral. They must have been in on it together." McGee says looking up at his boss who was already walking away. Their op in Paris '99. One he thought they had gotten out of clean. But apparently not. Svetlana was back and had taken Jenny. But he didn't understand why. Jenny was the one who spared Svetlana's life. "Find out where she is." Gibbs said as he walked away.

"Where are you going Gibbs?" Ziva asked as he walked past her.

"Coffee." Gibbs needed to clear his head and a walk in the fresh air and a nice bitter cup of black coffee was just the thing. This whole situation didn't make sense. Why wouldn't Jenny call for backup? Why did she call Franks? Why was Svetlana after Jenny? And _where_ are they? Before he had time to ponder those questions too much his phone rang. He answered it after taking a sip of his fresh coffee. "Gibbs."

"Boss the woman Viggo was with is Natasha Lenkov citizen of Uzbekistan and came out of nowhere in 1999. It's a little too close to be a coincidence seeing as they look exactly alike and…" Gibbs cut him off.

"They're the same person I get it McGee! Now find her! Trace the Directors cell follow her car with that traffic light thing you do I don't care!" He said before hanging up.

"It's security cameras." McGee grumbled but nobody heard him.

"So what do we got Probie?" Tony asked walking over to him solemnly.

"Natasha and Svetlana are the same person. I have to track her and find her. Maybe you two can make yourselves useful and pull her credit card or something. Look into Svetlana's past; see where she ties up with Jenny." McGee practically ordered shocking the two other agents.

"Look at McGee puttin' on his big boy pants!" Tony teased and McGee rolled his eyes.

"Oh come on Tony cut him some slack. He's right we should be making ourselves useful." Ziva chimed in and Tim gave her an appreciative smile before glaring at Tony who was shooting daggers at Ziva.


	8. Chapter 8

**Hope you like it. Sorry I haven't updated in like a month. I'll try to update once a week now. **

Jenny blinked rapidly at the blinding light before her. Once her eyes came into focus she saw a blonde haired woman standing in front of her. "Hello Jennifer. I'm so glad I've finally found you!" She exclaimed menacingly. Jenny sneered.

"Who are you?" She asked her voice raspy. She hadn't had anything to drink in the last day or used her voice for that matter.

"Don't recognize me dear?" She asked and stepped into the light. It all hit Jenny in a wave of memories.

"Svetlana." Jenny growled and tried to attack her but remembered her limbs were tied down. Svetlana laughed.

"Very good. Paris 1999 is probably flashing through your mind." She stopped talking and dragged Jenny's chair forward revealing a wooden table with one small folder in the middle.

"What are you doing, why do you want me?" Jenny asked calmly. Svetlana didn't answer just opened the folder and pulled out a picture of a dark haired man in a long overcoat smiling.

"Do you recognize him?" She asked coolly. Jenny didn't but could assume who it was.

"Yes." She whispered.

"That was Alatoly Zukov!" She screamed. "And your Gibbs killed him!" She shouted in Jenny's face. Jenny tried her hardest not to flinch.

Meanwhile team Gibbs was searching Jenny's past to find any connection to Svetlana. They had finally gotten access to her old records and found out Jenny's been an NCIS agent since 1997. She was placed on Gibbs's team. They were all shocked to find out that Jenny was Gibbs's probie. But they didn't find a connection to Svetlana until 1999. Gibbs and Jenny went on an undercover mission together in Paris. They were trying to infiltrate a Russian spy ring. Gibbs was assigned to kill Alatoly and Jenny was assigned to Svetlana. Obviously Jenny had failed to kill her. They found out that Alatoly and Svetlana were engaged. "So that explains why Svetlana took the Director." Tony said leaning back in his chair.

"How?" McGee asked furrowing his brow.

"Gibbs killed Svetlana's fiancé so now she is going to kill Jenny to get back at Gibbs for killing Alatoly." Ziva explained and McGee nodded but was still a little confused.

"But Gibbs isn't engaged to Jenny. They barely speak to each other." He said.

"Yeah but they were partners and from the rumors I heard, had a very scandalous affair that spanned halfway across Europe." Tony said raising an eyebrow. McGee was surprised but Ziva had known all along. Jenny and Ziva had shared more than one drunken conversation about Europe while they were working together. Gibbs had been listening and walked in slapping Tony on the back of the head. "Sorry boss I know you would never…" He trailed off seeing the warning look on Gibbs's face.

"We have motive. We don't know where they are and we don't know how Svetlana knew Jenny was at the diner. What are you sitting around for?!" He bellowed and immediately got to work.

"Getting out a bolo for the cars that took the Director." Ziva said picking up the phone.

"Checking Svetlana's contacts." Tony said scrolling through his computer.

"Finding Svetlana boss." McGee said and Gibbs nodded then left for coffee. When he came back Gibbs wasn't in a good mood. Nobody moved when he came back into the bull pen.

"Hey! Does anybody have _anything_ for me?" He asked annoyed. They all shot up and went to the plasma in the middle of the room.

"There was a hit on the bolo I put out. Turns out they found the car being crushed at a trash yard." Ziva said sighing.

"Its _junk yard_ Ziva. And as I was going through Viggo's phone records there was one number he made multiple calls to. The phone belongs to Svetlana." Tony said looking at Gibbs.

"They were working together." Gibbs said.

"It seems that way. Svetlana hired Viggo and his men to capture Jenny and bring her to her. I got McGee to trace the phone but it's been disconnected." He said making his lips into a tight line.

"And boss I narrowed it down to three locations Svetlana could be." McGee said proudly.

"Three?" Gibbs asked.

"Yeah well she has a credit card so I traced all her purchases and she seems to always center around one part of town with whatever she buys. It must be close to home." He said and Gibbs clapped him on the back.

"Good job McGee. Gear up let's go." He said and everybody sprang into action. Tony went up to McGee and smiled.

"Nice job probie." He said and then walked quickly to catch up with Ziva. McGee smiled to himself proudly. As the elevator doors opened Gibbs was practically knocked over by a frantic Abby.

"Oh my Gosh Gibbs I'm so scared! Is the Director going to be okay? Are you going to get her now?" Abby asked frantically.

"Abs we're going to go try and get her back now." Gibbs said and Abby nodded moving out of the way for them to get into the elevator. "Well good luck guys and bring the Director back in one piece or I will kill you and leave no forensic evidence." She said loudly as the doors closed. They all smiled to themselves despite the tense situation.

Jenny was fighting to stay conscious. She felt like she was back in Cairo again with Ziva. They would get tortured but under no circumstances were they to give away information. She _could not_ give away the numbers to that insurance policy. It would have names, dates and vital information on the Russian Mafia. She could not let that get into other people's hands, especially Svetlana's. So she tried to distract herself with good thoughts. But her mind drifted to her illness. Then it struck her. How long has she been down here? Jenny needed to take her medicine or she would start feeling the symptoms of Waldenstom's. Actually with all her injuries she couldn't really tell what was the symptoms and what was pain from Svetlana's hands. She needed to get out of here and fast. And once she got out of this hell hole she would shape up her act. Before she could try and wriggle free of her restraints another unexpected blow came from a bat and to her head. The world went black.

It had been two days since Jenny was captured. That was a long time. Jenny was most likely dead or close to it. But they wouldn't believe a word of what the statistics said. No matter what Jenny could possibly do to them they still looked after her like any of the team would do for another. Their family really was like a family. No matter how much you might dislike one of your family members they're still your family. And you do anything for family. So with that thought in mind team Gibbs burst into the first location but found nothing. It was an old house that nobody lived in anymore. Quickly they went to the second location. It was a small cottage. They burst through the door but saw nobody. Obviously it was lived in though. Dinner was being made and a kettle was hissing and whining to be picked up. They stalked through the house and deemed all rooms clear. But when they walked into the kitchen they saw something that didn't look like it was being used to cut up meat. One large blood stained knife was laid out on the table. Next to it was all kinds of curved knives that had drops of blood on them. This was definitely the right house. Horrified they stood transfixed at the knives knowing it was Jenny's blood on them. But a blood curling scream pulled them out of their trance. The voice was definitely Jenny's. It seemed to be coming from the basement. They walked silently to the stairs and on the count of three opened the door silently. The screaming continued and was louder with the door open. Cringing Gibbs walked down the stairs with the team on his heels. When the basement came into view they were shocked. It was like a torture room. And in the middle, tied to a chair was a bloody and battered Jenny. He head was drooping like she was fighting to stay conscious. Svetlana immediately saw them and laughed. "Gibbs you finally found me, good! You'll get to watch your precious Jenny die!" She cackled holding up a knife above Jenny.

"Put the knife down." Gibbs said coldly. Svetlana's grip tightened on the knife.

"No. I'm going to make you pay for what you did." She growled and was about to bring the knife down into Jenny when everyone fired a shot at her. One in the head, two in the heart and one in the gut. She was dead before she hit the ground. McGee called an ambulance while Gibbs, Ziva and Tony rushed over to help Jenny. She blinked rapidly and looked up at the foggy people above her. They were wearing black with black hats. As her eyes focused she realized it was NCIS and that somebody was speaking to her. She focused as hard as she could but the pain was pretty overwhelming and she couldn't speak or discern what the people were saying. Somebody was untying her and cataloging her injuries. She listened and caught a few words: blood, ten, three and doctor. She was dazed and confused, unable to put together those four words to make a sentence. Her eyes finally focused fully and she saw Tony, Ziva and Gibbs looking over her worriedly. Then she heard the muffled voice of McGee shouting something about an ambulance. Gibbs tried his hardest to get Jenny to focus but she seemed to be in a different world. He grabbed her face gently. "Jenny how many fingers am I holding up?" He asked loudly. She heard that and squinted her eyes as he held out his hand.

"Five." She croaked hesitantly. The MCRT all shared a worried glance. He was holding up three.

"Director, can you stand?" Tony asked loudly. She seemed to respond better if they talked loudly. She swallowed dryly and nodded. They helped her up and she wobbled on her feet. Gibbs had a hold of her left side and DiNozzo had her right side while Ziva was making sure she didn't fall backwards. McGee was upstairs flagging down the ambulance and getting the EMT's do where Jenny was. Jenny took her first step hesitantly and almost threw up from the movement. It made her head swim. But never the less she took another step and another. The EMT's were now downstairs and ran up to a bloody Jenny. Immediately they took her from the NCIS team and helped her walk mostly carrying her. But after the first step of the stairs suddenly she collapsed. They caught her before she hit the ground but now she was totally unresponsive. She had passed out. The EMT's rushed her upstairs shouting things and checking her breathing, it was extremely shallow. NCIS followed them upstairs focusing not on the dead body but Jenny, their Director, leader and most importantly the person they looked up to along with Gibbs. When they got on the lawn and her strapped into the gurney an EMT came rushing over to the stunned NCIS group. "Does she have any illnesses or allergies we should know about?" He asked out of breath and a frantic look in his eyes. They all shook their heads except for one. Jenny had always been very healthy. But the EMT turned his gaze to Ziva who stood silently in the back. The team followed. "Ma'am?" He asked urgently. Ziva took a deep breath, stole a fleeting glance at the unconscious Jenny and spoke regardless of what Jenny would want her to do. Her life was in danger and a secret was the least of her problems.

"She has Waldenstrom's Macroglobulinemia." Ziva said and the team and the EMT looked stunned. He was trained to deal with those kinds of patients and only knew a little about the illness. Jenny needed to be taken to a specialist right away.

"You better ride in the ambulance with her." He suggested and she ran off with him but Tony stopped her briefly with a confused look in his eyes that mirrored Gibbs's and McGee's.

"Later." She said and got into the ambulance. Jenny's secret was out and the team was stunned. They had no idea what it was but they knew it must be serious enough to mention. But why hadn't she mentioned it before? And how does Ziva know? But more importantly will Jenny survive her injuries?


	9. Chapter 9

Ziva drove with the ambulance to the nearest hospital with a specialist for Waldenstrom's. It took fifteen heart-stopping minutes but they made it. The specialist had been made aware that they were coming and prepared for her arrival. Ziva watched the unconscious Jenny lie there on the bed so pale and fragile. They had cataloged her injuries and tried to stop the bleeding in the ambulance but didn't have the proper equipment. Ziva made her own catalog of her injuries and knew there were ten deep cuts and three large bruises. One on the head and Ziva feared she had a concussion because of the lack of focus in her vision. After what seemed like an hour then arrived at the George Washington University Hospital and the specialist was waiting. He started shouting orders to wheel her into ICU. Then he walked up to Ziva. "Doctor Swanson. I'm going to be taking care of Miss Shepard. I understand she has WM. Do you know what kinds of medication she's on?" He asked frantically.

"No I do not I am sorry." She said and the Doctor rubbing his forehead.

"Okay I'll have to get into her medical records. How long do you think it's been since she last took her medication?" He asked and Ziva bit her lip.

"She was captured two days ago so most likely just two days. Why do you need to access her medical records for WM? Is it not all the same treatments?" She asked confused.

"Actually WM is different for everybody. Some treatments work while other's do not. We need to find the one she was taking and give it to her immediately. I have to go but you can stay in the hospital. I'll get you when she's stable." Doctor Swanson said before running into the building. Ziva was frantic. This was more serious than she thought. _Hopefully she will live through the day_. Was all Ziva could hope for as she called the team.

"Yeah, Gibbs." He answered gruffly.

"I am at George Washington University Hospital." She said quickly.

"Okay thanks Ziva. We'll be there soon. We have to finish processing the scene. Stay there with the Director." He said and hung up.

Thirty minutes later the rest of the team found Ziva pacing the waiting room. Abby and Ducky were there too and Abby ran up and gave Ziva a hug. When Abby pulled away her eyes were full of tears. "How is she Ziva?" She asked slowly and the rest of them were waiting for an answer too. Ziva sighed.

"She is still unconscious but they gave her the proper medicine and sewed her wounds." She said.

"What does she have?" Ducky asked.

"Jenny has Waldenstrom's Macroglobulinemia." Ziva said quietly and Abby gasped covering her hand with her mouth. Obviously she knew what it was better than Ziva did who even though she researched it didn't understand half the things they were talking about. Ducky was shocked. His eyes widened and his mouth opened slightly.

"Good Lord. Why didn't she tell us about it sooner?" Ducky asked.

"Now wait a minute." Tony said holding his hands up. "I want to know what this thing is!" He exclaimed looking from Ziva to Abby then to Ducky.

"It's type of cancer that resides in the B cells of your blood. Incurable yes, but definitely treatable." Ducky said trying not to make the rest of them worry. But both Abby and Ducky knew you couldn't live forever with WM.

"How long has she had it?" Abby asked knowing Jenny's clock was ticking.

"A year." Ziva said. Everybody was stunned though and barely paid attention to her. Abby visibly relaxed and actually smiled.

"Abby are you happy the Director has cancer?!" McGee exclaimed and they all glared at her except for Ducky.

"Tim calm down. It's a good thing she's only had it for a year. Waldenstrom's patients usually have an average life span since they were diagnosed of fifteen years. But those were studies in the '90's. Now the average life span is up to twenty-five to thirty years!" Ducky exclaimed happily. Everybody was immensely relieved except for Gibbs. Jenny was going to die early.

"Ducky nobody should be dead at seventy." He said seriously and sat down in a chair behind them. A solemn silence filled the team as they realized the weight of Ducky's and Gibbs's words. Nobody spoke for the longest time.

After an hour wait the Doctor came out. "Family of Jennifer Shepard." He announced. Were they her family? She had been bitter and coldhearted to them for the past year and they couldn't just forget that no matter what kind of state she was in. She pushed them all away violently and that was how she lost the team as friends. Hesitantly Ducky stood up, he was the only one. The doctor walked up to him and they shook hands. "Doctor Swanson." He said motioning for them to speak in private. He led Ducky to a hallway and stopped outside a specific door. "Jennifer sustained a concussion, a few bumps and a few deep cuts. Those should heal fine. What I'm worried about is that she has fallen into a coma. Now I think this might be partially induced by her not taking her medication. Now we gave her the correct dose of the treatment she's on. The concussion might be affecting her brain though while she's in a coma. We won't know until she wakes." He said and Ducky nodded solemnly.

"When can we see her?" He asked meeting Dr. Swanson's eyes.

"Right now if you want. Your friends can come too if they wish." He said and walked away. Ducky walked back to the team.

"She's in a coma." Ducky said and they were all too stunned and scared to say anything.

Later that evening Gibbs walked into Jenny's room. They had all seen her at some point that day except him. He was shocked to see her lying there on the bed. Her face was almost as pale white as the sheets she was laying on. Her fiery hair was neatly laid around her head. Tubes were in her mouth and coming out of her arm. He didn't know what to think. He didn't know if he should stay by her bedside day and night or leave right now and never come back. After all that's what Jenny had done to them. The old Jenny had left and the new cruel Jenny was the only one left. But now she didn't look mad at them or coldhearted. She looked… dead. Though her chest rose and fell softly, her mouth hung open slightly from the tube and she looked like a ghost. He walked around the bed and sat gingerly in the chair seated next to her bed. Gibbs knew somewhere deep down was the Jenny he knew two years ago, maybe even the Jenny that he had known in Paris. But she was buried deep below her mask and anger. He just hoped she would wake up. Maybe he could remind her how she used to be.

The next day they didn't have any cases and eventually all found themselves staring out into nothing. The bull pen was dead silent. They half expected Jenny to come down from her office and tell them they had another case. But she didn't. Eventually they found themselves thinking about Jenny. Even though she was incorrigible this past year they still cared about her, right? Did they really or were they just telling themselves that to make their guilt go away?

After work that day Gibbs went to the hospital again. He was drawn to her like a moth to a flame. He didn't know why. No matter how far he seemed to dig in his feelings he couldn't come up with one called distress. It just wasn't there when he looked at Jenny. He almost felt nothing. Yet he came to the hospital again and sat by her side. Then again maybe he was just angry at her. For not telling him she has WM and for being a bitch for an entire year. Is that something you can just forgive?

They didn't come to see her again. Twice was enough for all of them. None of them could put a name on what they felt when they saw her but they didn't want to feel it again, maybe ever. So Jenny Shepard woke up in her hospital bed alone. A nurse was checking up on her when her eyes fluttered open gently. She got the doctor and he came rushing in taking the tube out of her mouth and checking her eye sight. It seemed to be back to normal. "How are you feeling?" He asked. It took all of her energy to reply. Everyone knew that NCIS was notorious for absolutely _hating _hospitals. But she's been in so many so frequently she almost welcomed it as routine.

"Like shit." She croaked and he chuckled.

"Any pain or discomfort?" She moved around slightly albeit weakly. She shook her head. "That's good. My name is Doctor Swanson. I treat Waldenstrom's patients. You gave us quite a scare when you came in here covered in blood. But I can assure you everything is healing perfectly." He said and she swallowed dryly.

"Can you tell if my treatment is working?" She asked referring to her illness that can't be healed so easily.

"Well your regular medicine hasn't been doing anything for you we found out. So right now you're on a revolutionary new treatment for Waldenstrom's patients. It only requires one pill a day and on one chemotherapy session a month." He said and Jenny was okay with that. What she was not okay with were two things. She didn't really have the energy to speak right now so she held up two fingers. "Two questions?" He asked and she nodded.

"What is the treatment supposed to do? I've had things just prevent symptoms." She said in as little words as possible and Dr. Swanson nodded.

"I know how it is. Some doctors don't even treat the cancer they just block the symptoms. However, here we actually treat the cancer. This new technique is supposed to put the cancer in remission for up to five years. Resulting in longer lives for WM patients." He explained and she nodded. She liked this treatment, and doctor.

"For chemotherapy… will my hair fall out like breast cancer treatments?" She asked hoarsely. He chuckled.

"No it won't. This is a different type of chemotherapy. Treatments for breast cancer kill all the cells resulting in hair loss. With this therapy we can target certain cells like the B cells in Waldenstrom's. So you still get to keep your hair." He said happily. She smiled.

"Does it work?" She asked. She did not plan on dying even younger than she would because of a stupid treatment.

"Yes. We've been testing it for three years now and it seems to pose good results! Most people's cancer goes into remission for at least two years. Then once you start feeling the symptoms again we start up the treatments again." He explained. "Do you want to stay on this treatment?" She nodded and he smiled writing something down on his clip board. "Okay good well since you've been healing remarkably fast tomorrow we'll start you on your first chemotherapy session. Are you hungry, thirsty?"

"Thirsty." She said and he ran and got her a cup of water. Weakly she took a sip and regained some of her voice. "How long have I been out?" She asked.

"You've been in a coma for seven days." He said and her eyes widened.

"Seven?" She asked disbelieving her own ears. He nodded.

"That isn't unusual though so don't worry."

"So Doc, how long am I going to live?" she asked hesitantly. Did she really want to know the answer? He just laughed slightly.

"Miss Shepard I don't know what your other doctors told you but Waldenstrom's patients today live an average of thirty years or more with this new treatment." He said and her eyes widened in disbelief. Her first doctor lied to her! He made her think that she only had a few years to live! She just wasted a year of her life on being bitter to her family. When she didn't say anything he spoke again. "Is there anyone you want me to call?" The Doctor asked her before he walked out of the room. She thought for a moment. The team hated her and who else was she to call anyway? She shook her head and he left. She hesitantly looked down her hospital gown. He was right, though she did have some nasty bruises her stitches were healing very fast. Sighing she laid her head back on the pillow and pushed a button on the side to raise herself to a sitting position. Now it was time for a change. She would get her life back on track. She would make amends with her friends and family. What better time than the present right? Jenny Shepard had finally had a change of heart that would change everything about her in the weeks to come. How though, only time will tell.

**I don't own NCIS, the characters or Waldenstrom's. I kind of combined treatments for WM with treatments for other things and made my own new treatment. **


	10. Chapter 10

**Hope you like it. Reviews please? **

She's been in the hospital for a total of eight days now. Though she was only awake for one and a half so far still it was driving her crazy that she couldn't do anything. She tried reading but quickly got bored. Day time television was out of the question and staring out the window quickly got tiresome. She wanted company. Somebody who would stay by her and make sure she was okay. But the only people she could think of that would do that didn't want anything to do with her. The door to her room opened and she was very surprised to see the SecNav walking in. She sat up straighter in her bed. He waved her off. "No no Director, don't do that for me. Your injured just try to relax and get better. I just came to tell you a few things." He said and she relaxed slightly but not all the way. "I'm going to have assistant Director Vance take your place while you're recuperating." He said and her eyebrows shot up but she nodded. Jenny really did not like that man.

"Okay." She said waiting for the other news.

"And I heard about your… illness from Doctor Mallard. He insures that it should not affect your work?" He asks her and she clears her throat before answering.

"No sir it should not." She says and he nodded pressing his lips into a tight line. "Mr. Secretary I just have one question for you." He nods. "Can we keep this a secret? Being the first female Director is not an easy task and I don't want people thinking of me any differently because of this." She says.

"I completely understand. After you are released from the hospital I want you on medical leave for two weeks." He insisted and she bit the inside of her cheek trying not to lash out at him. She took a deep breath and nodded.

"Yes sir." She said and he nodded, looked at her once and made his move to leave but in a rash decision she stopped him. "W…wait sir has the team mentioned me at all? Are they coming to see me?" She asked slightly sheepishly as she tried to hide her blush. It wasn't like the Director to ask if anyone cared for her. Usually she could care less about what they thought especially in the last year. He sighed.

"No Director I'm sorry." He said and left. She lay there stunned. If even Abby didn't bother to worry then she knew she had really screwed up. She sat there in a shocked silence for a while contemplating her options from here on out. Jenny kept telling herself she could change now and get back to the woman she was when she first became Director. But now that she thought about it did she really even want to _be _that person anymore? What she really wanted to be was probie Jen, the one who was always laughing, making jokes and having a good time. Before she could delve deeper into that part of her life the doctor came in smiling.

"Okay time for your first session." He said happily. She figured it couldn't be too bad I mean it was just like an IV drip right? Boy was she wrong. As he was giving her a physical before the IV drip he kept talking to her. "With your injuries I've decided to lower the dosage this time of the Chemo session until you fully heal. I don't know how much you heard about this particular medicine or chemotherapy in general so I'll give you a brief overview." He said as he examined her bruises and cuts. "In our specific medicine for WM we've found a way to target a certain type of cells but it will still affect you a lot like a regular chemotherapy session, minus the hair loss and mouth sores. We've targeted only cells in the blood. Symptoms will include nausea, vomiting and fatigue. It will also lower your immune system so be wary of that." He said as he smiled and put away all his tools. "Since you're already in the hospital we have your blood work and results. If you'd follow me we'll get started." He said and led her to a different room and gave her the clothes she came in with minus the shirt. It was full of blood so the hospital kindly supplied her a too big grey tee shirt. "You can change and meet me out here." He said and she grabbed the clothes and went into the bathroom. She hadn't said anything to the good doctor the whole time he was explaining. She was still trying to absorb the fact that she was most definitely _not _dying, at least not for another thirty plus years. And also that her other doctor had been so misleading it led her to destroy the relationships she had with her co-workers and friends. Hesitantly she slid off the blue hospital gown and was shocked at what she saw. Stitches were littered over her abdomen and arms. One large bruise had started turning yellow on her stomach, one had yellowed on her sprained wrist and another was still rather purple on her cheekbone. She looked bad. Cringing she slipped on the fitting jeans. It stung on her injuries but she sucked it up. As she lifted her hands above her head to slip on the tee shirt after putting on her blood stained bra and froze as she felt a tugging sensation on her arm. Turning around to examine the source she saw in the mirror a long crescent shaped stitched up cut on the back of her left arm. She sighed and closed her eyes. She was damaged goods if she wasn't already. Slipping on the rest of the tee shirt she ran her fingers through her tangled hair and stepped out of the bathroom to find Doctor Swanson waiting for her with the IV drip. The room was casual and very large but at the moment empty except for the two of them. He smiled when he saw her and motioned for her to take a seat. Numbly she complied and he started cleaning her arm with some form of rubbing alcohol. He continued to talk. "Getting chemo in this fashion is virtually painless. The needle is the only thing that seems to bother people but even that isn't a big deal. Usually this room would be full of cancer patients' getting their chemo sessions but nobody seems to be here today. It's really a heartwarming sight. Despite everything going on around them they all take comfort in having another person with them who understands. They laugh and talk for hours while their here." He said chuckling and she couldn't help but grimace. Of course it would be empty the one day she needed a little comfort. She sighed and squeezed her eyes shut briefly as the needle pierced her skin. After a few seconds of holding her breath and closing her eyes he took his hands away from her. "There all done. I'll be back in four hours then you can sign your discharge papers and go home. I suggest a lot of rest and not a lot of work until the symptoms subside." He said and continued to tell her about all the side effects again and explain how she would need to come in for monthly check-ups and chemo sessions. They scheduled a few and then he left. She sat alone in the large warmly painted room with a portable IV hooked to her arm and sighed. Boy was she a bitch. Now she understood why Jethro was a 'functional mute'. It was definitely easier than talking.

As the IV was finishing up she was already starting to feel the effects of the drugs. For the past four hours she has been bored out of her mind and finally opted to turn on the TV which she doesn't do often. But now she was starting to get drowsy and run down. All she wanted to do was lay down and rest. Just as her eyes were fluttering closed the doctor came walking back in. "Okay you've taken the right dosage. If you get any of the bad symptoms we talked about make sure to call me right away. But the current symptoms you are surely feeling right now should be gone within the week." She looked up at him.

"A whole week feeling this crappy?!" She exclaimed and he chuckled.

"Unfortunately yes and maybe longer. I'm going to prescribe some bed rest and no work until you feel up to it." He said taking the needle from her arm. She nodded wearily and he helped her up. They walked to the reception desk and she signed her release forms. "Miss Shepard since you don't have a car here with you and you shouldn't be driving right now anyway I suggest you call a friend. I'll be back in a few minutes." He said and walked into another room with the forms. She considered who she should call. Definitely not Gibbs or Tony. Ziva and McGee were also out of the question. She wouldn't mind Abby taking her home yet Jenny didn't think Abby would have the patience not to snap at her at some point. The only person she could think of that would be graceful enough to take her home and not comment on her behavior or decisions at that moment was Ducky. She dialed his number and waited for an answer. "Hello?" the Scottish accent rang through her ears jolting her awake slightly.

"Hey Ducky, its Jenny." She said tiredly. She could practically hear him furrowing his brow.

"Jennifer, are you supposed to be out of bed?" He asked concern lacing his warm accent. She nodded not realizing he couldn't see her.

"Yeah I just signed my release papers. Would you mind driving me home? I don't have my car." She said rubbing her forehead lightly. He sighed and didn't speak for a moment.

"I'll be there in ten minutes." Ducky said and the line went dead. She set the phone back on the hook and suddenly felt very worn out. Her legs were about to give out so she sat down in the nearest chair. The nausea was also starting to come in waves. Groaning she held her head between her legs and tried to calm her churning stomach though she had nothing to throw up. That's how Dr. Swanson found her a minute later.

"I see the chemo has started to take effect. Just breathe through the nausea and try to start with small foods. I'm sorry to say you might throw it up but you need to eat something eventually. But don't worry it will go away with time and rest." He assured her and she looked up at him. Her throat was getting very dry and she needed some water to wash it down. Plus he had told her to drink lots of fluids.

"Can I have a cup of water?" She asked and he nodded then left. She had drunk the whole cup and felt much better though her stomach did not. The doctor noticed her turn a shade of green and ushered her up right before she took off to the bathroom. Just as she left an old man walked up confusion written all over his face.

"Excuse me Doctor Swanson where did Jennifer go?" He asked and the doctor turned his head. They had spoken when Jenny was in her brief coma and had gotten acquainted.

"Oh hello Doctor Mallard, Miss Shepard has just gone to empty the contents of her stomach." He said forcing a joking smile. Ducky was very concerned, he didn't know about her current treatment.

"Good heavens, is she alright? Aren't you concerned especially after her injuries?" He asked glancing to the direction of the bathroom nervously. Dr. Swanson chuckled.

"I forgot Doctor you don't know of Miss Shepard's current treatment path. It's a revolutionary new treatment in the form of intravenous chemotherapy. It's very successful. We've been able to target certain cells in the blood so the chemo does not kill all the cells. She can keep her hair. Unfortunately regular symptoms from chemotherapy cannot be avoided." He said and Ducky raised his eyebrows but nodded. Jenny came shaky kneed out of the bathroom and saw Ducky talking with her doctor. She walked over weakly and Ducky smiled as warmly as he could at her.

"How do you feel Jenny?" He asked and she looked at him.

"Like I need to go to sleep and not eat anything for a while. I feel like crap Ducky. I can't keep down a cup of water." She says as fatigue played evidently on her face. He managed a smile and placed his arm reassuringly on her arm.

"Let's take you home then shall we?" He asked nodding his head to the doctor and then walking off with Jenny. They didn't say anything until halfway to Jenny's house. She was staring out the left car window since Ducky's Morgan had the steering wheel on the right side. She didn't look at him when she spoke.

"I made a mistake Duck." She said and he didn't respond so she continued. "A really big one. I was being rash and I wasn't thinking about your or anyone else's feelings. I was too wrapped up in my…" She grimaced and shook her head then continued. "My old doctor's wrong and extremely disheartening "professional" conclusion." She sighed and collected her thoughts before continuing. "I didn't even bother to get a second opinion I was in such shock and… denial." She said still refusing to look at him. "But it was all my fault when I pushed everyone away. I should have handled things better. I was convinced that if you didn't care for me then it would be easier when I…" She choked up unable to finish her sentence but Ducky understood. She finally looked at him with tears in her eyes. "I am so sorry Ducky." She said and he sighed and pressed his lips into a tight line. "And I don't expect you to forgive me right away but it's a start I guess." She said and he glanced at her wiping away her freshly fallen tears.

"Thank you Jenny it means a lot. It will take time…" He said trailing off. Those were the only words they really spoke to each other the whole time. He made sure she was settled in at home because as a Doctor he knew what getting chemo would be like. Then he left leaving her to fend for herself. Not that she minded. She trudged upstairs to her bedroom, changed into her PJ's and discarded her old clothes. Then she slid under the covers of her bed and fell asleep as her head hit the pillow.

Ducky had gone back to NCIS. Nobody had heard the brief phone conversation he had with Jenny but they had noticed his absence when Gibbs went down to autopsy to find Palmer conducting one on his own. When Ducky came back into autopsy Palmer was still elbow deep in the body. He hung up his overcoat and hat and walked to his computer. "How are you holding up Mr. Palmer?" Ducky shouted across the room. He looked up over his wire rimmed glasses and smiled his omnipresent smile.

"Good Doctor I'm almost done actually." He said picking up his large knife.

"Good, good I'm going to go upstairs I'm sure the team is wondering where I am. Why don't you finish the autopsy for me Mr. Palmer then report to me your findings." Ducky said distractedly and Palmer grinned nervously but nodded as Ducky left again. In the bull pen the team was giving Gibbs and update on their current case when Ducky walked in. All heads turned to him.

"Where ya been Duck?" Gibbs asked cocking his head slightly at the Doctor. Ducky figured it would be pointless to keep it a secret. There was no reason why he should.

"I was with Jennifer." Ducky said while Gibbs raised his eyebrows and the team stood in a patient silence. "She got discharged and needed someone to take her home." He supplied not that he figured anyone cared. From what Jenny had told him in the car though it was clear she was meaning to tell the rest of the team a version of that soon.

"And?" Gibbs asked sensing there was something more he was not telling them.

"She seems to have had a revelation. No doubt she will be calling each of you soon." He said and was about to leave when Ziva stopped him.

"An apology is not going to set everything right." Ziva snapped and Ducky turned around slowly.

"No it won't and she knows that but it sure is a good place to start." Ducky said raising an eyebrow at her.

"What did she say to you?" Gibbs asked curious as to what the woman had to say for herself. There was a slim chance at best she could fix everything let alone establish a working relationship with them again. She had been downright cruel and heartless.

"Something meant for my ears and she will tell you something only meant for your ears. But for now she needs to rest. I'm surprised she got out what she did on the car ride to her house." Ducky said surprising the team. Her injuries weren't _that_ bad, were they?

"I thought you said she got discharged today?" McGee asked furrowing his brow and pouting his lips. Something he did when he was confused. Tony was too furious at their Director to comment.

"She did but she started a new treatment for Waldenstrom's today because the previous one wasn't working. It involves a revolutionary chemotherapy technique. The good news is poor Jennifer won't be losing her hair." Ducky said trying to cheer up the solemn bull pen. Tony had finally had enough of their fake pity party.

"_Poor_ Jennifer Ducky? She doesn't deserve sympathy! She deserves nothing from us! Actually we deserve something from her! She was a coldhearted bitch!" He exclaimed and received wide eyes from the bull pen. "Yeah that's right! I've just been saying what we've all be thinking! How could we even begin to forgive what she's done?" He asked pleadingly and half shouting at the group. They didn't have an answer for him.


	11. Chapter 11

When Jenny woke up she wasn't feeling too great. She was weak, lethargic and feeling sick. Rolling over in bed with a groan she stared up at the ceiling. Mesmerized by the pattern in the paint she thought about getting up. But really she did not feel like going into work today. Doctor Swanson had warned her too rethink her nine to five, Monday through Saturday schedule though it was more like seven to eleven. She hadn't taken it into much consideration then, however now she was. Slowly she sat up and blinked rapidly steadying her double vision. She grabbed the phone from her bedside table and dialed the SecNav's number. She told him about her new schedule she had just thought up. He was angry. He told her that this treatment wasn't supposed to mess up her work. She apologized feeling drained from the argument. He begrudgingly gave her a week off and she promised to be on the top of her game when she came back. After slipping on some loose jeans and a sweatshirt she walked downstairs and made herself some tea.

. . .

Something about what Ducky said was bugging him. _"She seems to have had a revelation. No doubt she will be calling each of you soon." _What was that supposed to mean? Had she concocted an excuse for her behavior? Now that would be a sight, Jenny blaming her actions on something she couldn't control, like WM. She was good at that; blaming her actions on anyone but herself that is. She had done that to him in Paris and most of her career at NCIS, just trivial things but still. He wondered what it would be this time. His thoughts were interrupted however by the ringing of his phone. After setting it back on the hook he stood up, grabbing his badge and gun. "Gear up! Dead petty officer in Quantico." He said gruffly and his team shot out of their seats.

. . .

She was done hiding in the shadows and living her life in fear. It was time to call her mom. Picking up the phone with some confidence amplified by a glass of bourbon she dialed her mother's number. It rang a few times then someone answered. "Hello?" The voice on the other end answered but it wasn't her mothers, it wasn't even a woman. She was dumbstruck for a moment before regaining her composer.

"Is um Ann there?" She asked. It sounded so foreign so say her mother's name like that.

"Yeah hold on a minute." The deep voice said and Jenny closed her eyes in embarrassment and covered her face with her hand. She should have known her mother would have moved on from her father but yet still it was hard to take and embarrassing that she expected her mother to still be single. Her mother's voice came on the line.

"Hello?"

"Hi mom it's Jenny." She said rubbing her temples. She could practically see her mother's features lighting up. She wasn't one to hold a grudge and Jenny was so thankful for that.

"Jenny! Oh my God how are you? What have you been up to?" She asked in an excited and disbelieving tone. Jenny smiled and sat down on the edge of her bed.

"I'm okay. Actually I was wondering if I could come down and see you for a week." She said hesitantly and her mom didn't respond for a moment. "Mom?" She asked frightened she would want nothing to do with her after she basically fell of the map when her father died.

"Honey I would absolutely love it if you came and visited." She said sincerely and Jenny smiled running a hand through her messy hair.

"Thanks mom. Would it be okay if I came like… tomorrow?" Jenny asked as she stood up and stretched. Now that she was sure her mom didn't hate her all she had to do now was deal with her sister.

"Um sure whatever you want sweetheart." She said surprised at the recent change in her daughter behavior.

"Okay. I love you mom." Jenny said pacing the room. Her mother was shocked for a moment. Jenny hadn't said that since 1995 before her father died.

"I love you too sweetheart." She responded sincerely.

. . .

As he sat stoically at his desk his mind wandered to the Director. He let the anger; hurt and betrayal wash over him like cold water that made him grit his teeth. But then settling down he thought about her, really thought about her. It had probably been a good two years since he thought about her feelings and what she must be going through. Selfishly he had always thought about the effects of her actions and how they always seemed to fall on him. First it was Jeanne and lying to the team and then it was this. Her…condition. He had looked it up when nobody was looking: Waldenstrom's Macroglobulinemia. It was an ugly cancer. Affecting you silently and wearing you down. Cancer was always horrific. He had a great uncle that died of cancer once, granted he was only five and barely knew what was going on. In reality he didn't know what she was going through and had no right to judge her. However he did know that her behavior over the last year was unacceptable. Despite whatever she must be going through her course of action was disrespectful, degrading, rude and coldhearted. He couldn't just overlook that.

For a moment he actually felt bad for her. The cancer isn't curable. But it is treatable. He just couldn't wrap his head around the reasoning of why she was acting so unlike herself because of a treatable illness. It wasn't anything to get _so_ worked up over really. So he really did feel bad for her for a moment. Then he realized all the overpowering reasons that he _didn't_ feel bad for her. He had to be honest with himself, he didn't feel bad for ranting about Jenny like that in front of the team, she deserved it. "Tony!" Ziva's voice snapped him out of his thoughts. He turned his head to her.

"Yeah Zee-Vah?" He asked enunciating every syllable. She propped her cheek up with her palm and stared at him curiously.

"I called your name five times and you did not answer." She said waving her hand around like she usually did for dramatic effect.

"Really, that many?" He asked plastering on his usual smirk. "Why do you need me so bad?" He asked and she rolled her eyes standing up and walking over to him.

"I was just wondering about what you are thinking about. You seem to have been lost in your thoughts for quite some time." Ziva said leaning on his desk looking down at him questionably. He leaned back in his chair and held the back of his head with his hands to get a better look at her without craning his neck.

"Just the case. What was the petty officer doing in that restaurant so late when he had a mandatory meeting across town at the same time? Why would he not want to go to the meeting?" He asked her avoiding saying what was really on his mind. After his outburst yesterday the mention of the Director was considered a faux pas. Once somebody said her name they got into a long heated discussion that was anything but pro-Jenny. It was only ended by Gibbs's headslap and an order to get back to work. Ziva just rolled her eyes again.

"Tony I know you better than that. What are you thinking about, really?" She asked in a softer tone. He sighed.

"The Director." Tony said icily and Ziva raised an eyebrow slowly.

"What about the Director Tony? We have discussed her mistakes extensively." She said shrugging. In the day since Tony's outburst she had been talked about more times than they liked to count. Tempers were running high and just in the last hour things had finally started to cool down.

"I don't know Ziva. Something just isn't right. I know what she did was totally wrong but I think we're missing something. Why would she act like she did when she knew the cancer was treatable? It just doesn't make sense." He concluded and Ziva looked at him, narrowing her eyes.

"You are sympathizing." Ziva said suspiciously and Tony shook his head then shrugged.

"Well I don't know Ziva. I mean come on, on some level don't you?" He asked pleadingly and Ziva pursed her lips in thought then shrugged, unwilling to answer the question.

"I still think what she did was unacceptable." Ziva said and Tony nodded.

"I agree but let's face it, something's off. Why would she suddenly have a change of heart now? It's not like she's gonna die or anything?" He asked throwing his hands up and sitting up. Ziva got off the desk realizing this conversation was shifting from his normal joking or even dodging conversational tone to a serious talk. This was unusual for him. She ran a hand through her messy locks and looked at him seriously.

"You really want to do this?" She asked and slowly he nodded.

"Yeah I do. Something isn't right." He said for the umpteenth time.

"I know Tony. You have said it about ten times already." Ziva joked and Tony cracked a cheeky smile at her.

"What if her doctor told her she was dying so she was trying to make amends for last year?" He asked raising his eyebrows curiously. Ziva raised her eyebrows too.

"That would not explain why she was bitter towards us." She said folding her arms on her chest. He pursed his lips and nodded slowly.

"Yeah." He drawled trying to come up with some kind of explanation.

. . .

Brain Matter was playing softly in the background as McGee sighed. He was resting his chin in his palm and his eyes drifted around the beeping machines. "What are you thinking about Timmy?" Abby asked as she leaned back in the swivel chair behind her computer. He shrugged.

"How could things just go so bad so quickly?" He asked absentmindedly. "I mean the whole team's being ripped apart by Jenny." Tim said finally looking at a solemn Abby. The Goth pressed her lips into a tight line and shrugged.

"I know but there's nothing we can do about it. If Jenny wants to be a complete bitch to us and then expect us to just forgive her on a whim then that's her problem." Abby said and Tim nodded slowly.

"Yeah I guess you're right."

. . .

All that was separating him from Ducky were two steaming hot mugs of earl gray tea. Normally Gibbs didn't drink tea nor did he like it that much but at the moment anything was better than nothing. "I know what you're thinking Jethro and I agree with you. Jennifer had no right to do what she did." He said and Gibbs nodded his head slightly, burying his nose in the mug before taking a small sip. After setting down the off white china he looked up at the ME.

"What the hell was she thinking Duck? How can she be such an ice queen?" He asked angrily and rather animatedly. Ducky raised an eyebrow and sighed, shifting in his seat.

"There is obviously something she isn't telling us." He said treading on thin ice. Out of all of them, whether he showed it or not, Gibbs had taken her behavior the hardest.

"Ya think?! DiNozzo and David have been yammering all day about her and McGee and Abby have been in her lap moping all day! They know it too!" He exclaimed throwing his hand up. Gibbs sighed and ran his hands down his tired face and shook his head softly. "I just don't know any more Duck."

"I heard she took a week off." Ducky said casually and Gibbs looked at the old Scotsman.

"Jenny never takes days off." He said coolly and Ducky nodded understandably.

"Ah yes but chemotherapy can wreak havoc on the body. She'll be feeling tired, nauseous, lethargic and out of breath for the next few days." He said and Gibbs took a slow, steady breath.

"Did you forgive her?" He asked after a long silence. Ducky pressed his lips into a tight line briefly.

"This kind of forgiveness takes time Jethro but I believe that in time Jenny will redeem herself." He said with an air of finality in his demeanor.

**A/N Hoping you guys like it. I've tried to make the team more in character than they were before because I know it was getting a little OOC. **


	12. Chapter 12

Her flight landed in California and when Jenny walked off the plane tiredly the last thing she expected was to be greeted by her mom and sister. Her mom squealed in delight and ran over to the exhausted red head practically barreling her over. Jenny stumbled backwards causing another wave of nausea to wash over her. She didn't even know how she got through the plane ride without throwing up, it was a miracle. Noticing her daughter didn't hug her back; Ann pulled away and saw Jenny was looking a little green. Concerned, she led her to a chair and sat her down slowly. Her sister Heather walked besides them carefully, deciding if she should be happy her sister was finally speaking to them or angry that it took her so long. She wasn't there when they needed her the most. The independent young woman just packed up and left without so much as a goodbye when their father died. "Jennifer, are you okay?" Her mom asked rubbing soothing circles in her daughters back. Ann called her daughters by their legal names. If she wanted her daughter to be called Jenny or even if she dared Jen, then she would have legally had that name written on her birth certificate. Jenny took a deep breath and closed her eyes momentarily, ridding the nausea from her system.

"I'm fine mom." She lied and Ann nodded albeit skeptically. Heather sat down next to her sister hesitantly and they looked at each other, green meeting green.

"Hi." Heather said first and Jenny smiled.

"Hi yourself." She said back and pulled her sister into a makeshift hug in the chair. Heather grinned, she had her sister back. When they pulled away Jenny sighed contently. "I'm sorry. I know you needed me and I just left." Jenny said talking to both women.

"Apology accepted." Heather said jokingly and Jenny smiled happily. She was more worried about Heather accepting the apology than anyone and now it was like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders, a weight that she had been carrying since 1995.

. . .

Heather had gone home an hour ago. After all she had a family to attend to which Jenny was planning on visiting tomorrow. Jenny and her mom sat on the couch with a cup of tea since Jenny had turned down alcohol realizing it made her sick with all her chemo side effects. They hadn't done much but sit around that day since Jenny was feeling particularly weak from the flight. She didn't even know if she should be flying or not with the chemo. Ann was getting worried. Since when did Jenny take a nap in the middle of the day? Finally she spoke up. "Are you feeling alright?" Jenny practically spit out her tea in shock. She had meant to wean her mother onto the subject but then again her mother was very blunt. Looking at her mom Jenny shook her head in amusement.

"Mom, always the nosy one." She joked and Ann cracked a small smile and nudged her daughter playfully. In all seriousness Ann waited for Jenny's reply. She sighed realizing her mother was seriously waiting for an answer. She started off hesitantly. "Do you remember grandma Adelaide?" Jenny asked biting the inside of her lip nervously.

"Yes of course on your father's side." She said nodded. "Such a sweet woman, like you a little." Ann said and Jenny sighed wishing she wasn't.

"Do you remember what she had?" Jenny asked looking down into her tea. After a moment of silence Ann nodded.

"Yeah she had Waldenstrom's Macro…" She trailed off realizing what her daughter was implying. Covering her mouth with her hand she gasped and her eyes widened.

"Mom!" Jenny exclaimed desperately. "Don't freak out!" She pleaded gripping the sides of her mug tightly.

"Jennifer, oh my God!" Ann got out in a hoarse whisper. Jenny sighed and knit her eyebrows together in worry.

"Would you stop it you're freaking _me _out!" Jenny exclaimed pointing frantically to herself. Ann took a deep breath and calmed herself.

"You're right I'm sorry. Is that why you're feeling so bad?" Ann asked slowly and Jenny nodded.

"Chemo." She said simply and Ann bit her lip, nodding slowly. Reaching out to take Jenny's cold hand Ann sighed.

"Oh sweetheart I'm so sorry." Ann said and Jenny nodded forcing a small smile as tears started to brew in her eyes. Seeing the unshed tears her mother set down her tea on the nearby coffee table and used her recently free hand to wipe her daughters wet eyes. Eyeliner and mascara came off when Ann took her finger away. "How are you really?" Ann asked moving closer to her daughter whose normally perfect posture was now slumped and tired. Jenny sniffled and looked at her mom.

"I'm fine really. My doctor he got me on this new treatment that's supposed to put the cancer in remission for years. I mean I won't know if it's working for a couple of months but my symptoms are virtually gone." Jenny said hopefully. Ann nodded.

"I know darling there are so many new treatments out. I know their taking good care of you. I'm worried about how everything is here…and here." Ann said pointing first to her head and then to her heart. Jenny just about broke down at that. After a few silent minutes of comfort and running makeup Jenny spoke.

"These doctors told me I was going to die!" She practically yelled and Ann just waited patiently for her distraught daughter to finish talking. "I…I didn't know what to do! I figured if I was going to die then I should get away from all my friends so it would be easier for them when I was gone. So that's what I did ma and I pushed them all away." She cried bitterly. "But then three other doctors told me I _wasn't_ going to die. But by then it was too late! They already hated me!" She exclaimed and wiped her eyes with a shaky hand. Ann nodded slowly and pursed her lips. Jenny did have a tendency to misjudge some situations and jump to conclusions.

"You have to try and fix your relationship with them." Ann said finally, knowing her daughter would be okay in the medical aspect of this situation. Though WM patients didn't live forever doctors had gotten damn close to fixing that. Jenny nodded her head slowly.

"I know I know and I tried. But they don't want to listen. What if I ruined it forever?" She asked absentmindedly as her eyes widened slightly. Ann tried to calm her bordering hysterical daughter down as the reality of the situation took hold for her.

"Jennifer honey, listen to me. You _will_ get them back." Ann said holding onto both of Jenny's arms firmly.

"How mom? They'll barely look at me!" She exclaimed and Ann smiled and brushed a stray hair from her daughter's face.

"You'll find a way sweetheart, you always do."

. . .

A business week had passed for the NCIS team. They remained solemn and thoughtful yet angry at the same time. Vance had taken over as acting Director while Jenny was gone and things had gone rather smoothly. At the end of the long Friday case and they were all finishing up paperwork in the dead hours of the night Tony seemed to have an epiphany. "Ha! I've got it!" He exclaimed happily, holding up a finger in excitement. All heads turned to him, even Gibbs's.

"What do you 'got' Tony?" Ziva asked tapping the end of a pen to her chin.

"The reason the Director has been acting the way she has the last year." Tony said excitedly and Ziva and Tim shared a skeptic look while Gibbs just raised an eyebrow. He threw up his hands. "Come on I know you've all been thinking about it!" He said with a cheeky grin.

"Actually some of us have been thinking about the _case,_ like we're supposed to." McGee said seriously as he looked at Tony exasperatedly. The man in question just rolled his eyes.

"So you guys want to hear it?" He asked turning his chair from the computer to face the rest of the team.

"Doesn't matter why she did it to me. It's the fact that she actually did it." Gibbs said and all heads turned to him.

"Oh come on boss! You don't want to know her reasoning?" Tony asked smirking and Gibbs just shook his head once.

"Nope." He said and got up, grabbing his things and leaving. He didn't need to hear it out loud. Knowing Jenny it was something that would only make sense in her head and he didn't care to understand.

. . .

Before she knew it, it was time to leave California. She had a fantastic time with her mom, sister, brother in law and her niece and nephew. Jenny still hadn't decided if she liked her mom's new boyfriend but as long as she was happy right? Being in California gave her a new perspective and granted her some new opinions on what she should do. As she walked off the plane at Dulles she had a smile on her face. Sure she dug herself one hell of a bad situation with her co-workers and friends but she was alive and walking.

After unpacking her things she sat down on her bed with a sigh. Though she was still exhausted and a little nauseous, the chemo symptoms had definitely worn off a lot. She estimated that she'd be back on top of her game by Monday when she had to go back into work. Also on Monday after the effects of the chemo were out of her system she had to start on a daily pill that would keep her symptoms at bay.

Frowning she realized that she should talk to Abby. She dreaded the fights that they'd all have in the near future. Over the year she was blinded by a fear of dying she had become weary of the fights she engaged in every day. She much rather like being the happy and sarcastic Jenny she was before. Though to be honest she hadn't seen the happy and sarcastic Jenny since she was a probie on Gibbs's team. Gibbs. That man sent shivers down her spine and made her knees weak. She hoped that one day he would forgive her and they could return to their playful working relationship they had once. Though deep down she knew she wanted more than that. She missed him, a lot. But there was a snowball's chance in hell that she would ever get him back. She had screwed it up beyond belief and he must have to be a complete idiot to take her back. Then again he was a complete idiot already.

It was Friday night and she was tired. Tucking herself deep in the blankets she had wrapped tightly around herself she vowed to talk to Abby tomorrow and see if she could straighten things out with her and hopefully, eventually the rest of the team.

**I'm glad most people like my story! Over the last few chapters I've been kind of slacking on the 'effort' part of writing a story and just wrote down whatever popped into my mind which was usually just something to fill the pages. Hopefully you like this because I've really been thinking about a major plot line to start. And because of school starting in a few weeks I might not get a chance to update as much as I want. You were warned. **


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